Single Forever! Yipee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Single Forever! Yipee.
11
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:31pm
Is it just me, or am I the only one who can't wait to be single? I can't wait to be alone. To be able to spend hours in the bookstore if I want, to do all the things that husband always frowned on and bitched about until I just gave up, like going to a ceramic's class, finishing the afghan I started crochetting last year, sketching, painting with water colors, re-learning to play on a keyboard that I bought a couple of years ago (cause there's no way he'd agree to a piano!) ;o) watching decorating shows all day long on my day off, reading and reading and reading some more. Shopping, and not hearing 'you don't need that' everytime I touch or look at something, even if I'm just looking!

Maybe it's because I'm somewhat of a loner to begin with that I don't mind in the least spending the majority of my time alone. But, oh, the peace and quiet will be heaven sent.

Jessie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 8:48am
Oh, I'm so jealous, that sounds heavenly. I'm kind of a loner too, I love spending time alone doing fun stuff. The thing I would look most forward to is having my own money, and spending it just the way I want to, not the way he thinks we should. I wouldn't have to beg to get something new for the house. I could even pick the colors I wanted, whatever I wanted (as long as I had the money of course). I could put the kids in activities that were important to them and cut back somewhere else.

Oh, to dream....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:28am
oh, but the dream can be a reality. i went bargain shopping yesterday on my lunch break. yes, on my lunch break. i even made time for a short lunch w/2 friends. it was great. remember all these things you want to do when you get lonely. i was able to go home last night to a quiet house and listen to music while i wrote some poetry. haven't read what i wrote yet but it sure was relaxing. i turned my phone off, put the kids in bed, and relaxed. hey, doing nothing is doing something. it's relaxing. i hope we all find peace someday. within ourselves. just know your dreams can come true. if you want them bad enough.

mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:24am
Birds of a feather...

Yes, I'd love to spend money without having to fight over it, which ruins my mood and I don't end up getting what I want. And painting a room (my office for writing) in RED, yes, a nice deep red which I love so much. And...oh there are so many "and's". I'm going apartment hunting this afternoon. Hopefully I'll find a suite or something so I can take the dogs. But, I'd love to find a small house or apartment instead. I don't like the idea of living in a basement suite, makes me feel suffocated.

I hope you do spend money on things your kids would benefit from, and things that you love. And I'm happy to meet another loner ;o) Enjoy your peace and quiet. My TV hasn't been on for two days, how nice.

Jessie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 3:16pm
I think its very common for victims of domestic violence to enjoy their "me" time. Its part of wanting and needing our freedom.

Since I left my h...I LOVE my me time. I tried carrying on a relationship with a different man..but it didn't work because it meant cutting back on ME time to spend with him. Maybe thats selfish..but what I want is important now. The "me" time I get is when he takes my kids every second weekend. They leave on a Friday evening and come back on a Sunday afternoon. By Sunday morning I am missing them and wanting them home real bad. But the rest of the time its ME ME ME ME!! Whether its curled up on the couch with a blanket watching what I WANT! Or doing a word seek puzzle...or reading a book...or going for a walk. If my house gets negelected a bit while I'm having ME time..so be it. That could never have happened with h living with me. He was a neat fanatic and things had to be perfect. Quite honestly..I don't think being a "neat fantatic" is in my blood. My house is LIVED IN...not a mess...but not PERFECT!

It always reminds me of the movie, "Sleeping with the enemy" and the way the towels hanging in the bathroom had to be perfect. After she had left him...she looked at the towels, grinned and intentionally made them NOT so perfect looking.

Its possible to have that freedom again for any of you still in your abusive relationships. It has to be however when you want it, when you want it bad enough, when YOU are ready. I had members of this board support me but I think they also knew it had to be when I was ready to do it. That time finally came...I think many wondered if I would ever leave the situation. I did when I was ready to.

Good luck to all of you...the "me" time is WONDERFUL!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 3:53pm
Jessica, you just described me to a "T" !!

I, too am a loner - have been since I was very young. I dreamed (for about 6 years) of the day when I would be out from under the dictatorship of my STBX. He would turn off shows while I was watching them - all I was allowed to watch was the news. 5:00, 6:00, and then national news. He is a "neat freak" - I used to compare him to Felix Unger from the Odd Couple, LOL. He always tried to tell me who I could talk to and what about - more specifically what NOT about (meaning anything relating to him or his behavior) and he even went so far as to try and tell me who I could and couldn't vote for - yes, believe it. He made fun of my clothes, hair, body, you-name-it. It was always "my parents do things this way..." or "I was raised to do things that way..." and whichever was always the RIGHT WAY. But my way was always WRONG. Oh my gosh, and the temper tantrums every morning and every evening. I could never have a day off work without him suddenly getting "sick" or finding some way to stay home and monitor me all day to make sure I was working around the house. The stupid part was that whenever he stayed home from work (due to drug or alcohol binge) he spent the whole day in bed sleeping!! But that was OK for him, just not for me. I could spend all day cleaning the house, but rather than see that, he would go around looking for anything that got missed and then rant & rave about it for hours.

Well, about 5 months ago I finally made my dream come true!! I found a cute little apartment real close to my work, packed my things while he was out of town, took them to a storage unit, and then right after he came back, I SPLIT.

Now there's NOBODY to tell me anything! I watch what I want, when I want. I go where I want and do whatever my heart desires. I'm still battling others wanting to take up my time, but I'm finally winning that battle too. I need LOTS and LOTS of "me-time". The first time I went to my support group, they thought I was a freak because they were all afraid of being alone. I told them all I wanted was to be alone, but nobody would let me - LOL

Good Luck to you Jess.....I hope you find your freedom soon and begin to enjoy life again!!

LULA-mae

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 5:56pm
Thanks LULA!

Wow, how bizarre that there are so many men out there who are neat freaks isn't it? My man is a neat freak too. He didn't monitor what I watch on tv, but he is in charge of the remote and will watch stupid shows that are all brawn and brain (but not sports), but have no intellict. I just walk away from the tv and turn on the computer. I'm also an aspiring writer, so I go and do that or surf the internet.

I'd be the same as you, my place won't be sterile, but it'll still be clean. And I won't have him coming home and asking 'did you do housework today?' to which I always say 'yes', then the creep says 'oh, it doesn't look like it.' Creep, oh you can't see the vacuum marks on the carpet, or smell the cleaner in the air, or see your reflection off the bleeping shine on the floor? Grr.

Oh, I have such a headache today. My friend is going to pick me up in about 10 minutes and we're going apartment hunting. Only thing is, I've secured on job, but it's on call and I have to wait until tomorrow or sat to talk to my old boss to see if they want me back full time or part time. Either way won't pay me as much as I had been making because I won't have the title. So looking for an apartment is kind of dumb I think as I can't sign a lease or anything without knowing how much money I'm going to be making.

I was hoping to move out the first week of May, but now that won't be happening because if I don't find something today, then I won't have any time to myself to look again until May 3 when he starts working again. Ah, the vicious cycle. Oh well, I keep telling myself, even in my present situation I'm lucky.

Jessie

Jessie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:03pm

Although I'm not a loner, I really enjoy my "me" time.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:53pm
Thank You Jessie, for reminding me today just how much I LOVE being alone! I haven't missed him even one single second from the moment my wheels hit the pavement! I haven't taken any of my new-found freedoms for granted. I am so thankful everytime I can sit and read! I finally got that Barnes & Nobel membership and have been reading like CRAZY! I can stay up late with the light on in bed, play whatever music I like, watch C-SPAN instead of Zena- Warrior Princess, I planted about 400 bulbs all around my house, I painted my bedroom periwinkle, I threw all of my clothes on the floor in my room after I got home from work and left them for a week, I haven't made my bed in 2 months (yes I wash the sheets and & stuff.. I just don't make the bed), I have had friends over for no reason at all.. whenever I want! The kids have friends over and play with glue and glitter and make noise!, I'm getting a puppy, I buy myself a boquet of flowers every week with the groceries.. and don't get me started on grocery shopping! I don't have to have the menu pre-approved and nobody asks to look at the reciept when I'm done! Ahhhhhhhh! I to am happily FOREVER SINGLE!!

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 8:11pm
Do you mind if I copy everything you did? It sounds like heaven.

Jessie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:44am
That post about the voting sent a light bulb off in my head. My STBX always controlled who I could vote for, too! You know, it never dawned on me that I could vote for whoever I wanted to. He would go on and on about politics and who was right and who was wrong, so I just thought I had to go the way he does.

Now, my STBX was exactly the opposite of a neat freak. He's one of the most unorganized, messiest people I've ever met. He thinks he's great, though. Funny how things are so much cleaner around the house since he's been gone except that the kids are 'pigs', too. STBX never did anything at all around the house, but if he suddenly needed something and couldn't find it then it was all my fault because things were unorganized!

One biggie for me is that I go out and come home when I want. I used to always get a sick, tight, 'hurry up' feeling in my stomach whenever I was out. I think that is because he used to always go out drinking if I wasn't home by a certain time. Then he'd go on binges where he tried to be gone before I got home.

Anyway, basically, I'm much, calmer, happier, sleep better. There are periods of depression and sadness, but not for him - just what I didn't have and that I wasted so many years on it.

Hugs,

Jackie

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