Sister mad at me for cancelling on her

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sister mad at me for cancelling on her
6
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 2:27am

It seems no matter what I do, I get someone mad. My h rarely makes plans to do anything on the weekends. He sits home and watches sports. Mother's Day we were all supposed to go out to eat inc. my parents and 35 year old sister and her husband. My H came down with a terrible toothache so we had to cancel. My sister said how about this Friday and I said ok, but it figures my h wants to take our 2 daughters and I out to eat so I had to cancel on her, because my h gets mad and jealous whenever I show any attention to my parents or sister. So now my mom and sister are upset at me. I had to lie just to get out of it and tell them my daughter had a school activity that had been rescheduled for that day.

My mom said my sister was going to be pretty mad at me. But between my h getting mad or my sister, I'd prefer my sister, since I have to live with my h.

Thanks for letting me vent once again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:05am

I've learned from my past mistakes.

Who will be there for you forever? And treat you nicely?

Your H or sister?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:44am
Yes, you are so right which is why I get so upset over this. I know my sister loves me but I can't afford him getting mad at me because it affects the whole family. I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Thanks for your advice and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 3:43pm

Honey, you need to tell your family - your sister if no one else - what is going on.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 7:32pm

I know where your coming from. And when the time is right, you won't be afraid to put your family first.

Hang in there. :)

{{HUGS}}

PS I also agree that you need to tell your family what is going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 12:31am

Thanks blueliner4 and you're right it is getting worse. While he hasn't been physically violent, his verbal abuse is out of control and occuring over the smallest stuff. Every weekend, he is on my 11 year old about portion control so she doesn't get fat like him. Finally today, I had had enough of listening to him to do this to her, so I asked him if he could please stop telling her what she should or should not eat, so she doesn't feel bad. Well as I anticipated he blew up and said he has no say in this house, and that I have to control everything. I asked him to please control his temper and he said well he would if I would stop interfering. He said things have been fine for weeks and now you start this. (That's because I've chosen to not respond or react to anything.) Then he told my 11 year old that he and she were going out for 2 hours to the driving range, so he could get out of my hair. He asked if that was ok with me. I said nothing and then he demanded I answer him. I just said, "I am just going to stay quiet." Then he said "sure stay quiet so that I can appear controlling." So he leaves with my daughter. A few minutes later, my sister called to say my mom is pretty upset at me for "running away" from the family and for not spending time with them. I basically told my sister that she knows how controling my h is and that the situation is not in my control. She said that I need to tell my mom this but I said, I've mentioned it before and my mom just says I have to learn to ignore it, so it's useless for me to go there. I basically told my sister that at this point about the only way they can ever expect me to spend time with them is if I leave my h because then I'd be free to do so. She said I was being overly dramatic and that I didn't need to resort to that, so not much was accomplished there.

Everyday is a mental ordeal here trying to keep him from blowing up and having to listen to his negative comments. I am just hoping I can hang in there until I start my support group which is not until the first week of June.

In the meantime, the encouragement I receive from this board is what keeps me from going totally insane, and I am grateful I have this as somewhere where I can at least pour my feelings out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 6:55am

Hi diana,

I feel for you right now. When I look back, I think the hardest time of all was when I finally became aware of what was truly going on. The realization that someone had actually taken my life from me was overwhelming.

I suggest you have a bag packed and a plan in case you need it in the future. The more that you stand up for yourself, the angrier they get.

One day you will realize that it is not your job to make everyone happy. You can't. Since you are still with your H, your family sees it as an internal thing and aren't really taking it seriously...may never will. That's their problem, not yours.

Go out to eat with your sister, let your h and daughter go out to eat by theirselves for once. H is going to make it hard on you, but it's a step toward your freedom.

Hang in there, we're here for you!

Terry