so annoyed.....
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| Mon, 04-11-2005 - 9:32pm |
Oh I am soo mad! I got a call at work today from STBX (yes! I'm finally saying STBX rather than H!). He very casually says, "I'm going to get some charcoal and stuff to grill out tonight okay?" I said, 'I didn't know that Tess's place had a grill' (where he's staying) He said that he wanted to have dinner over here with the boys. Well, I said we'd talk about it later but he kept pushing. I couldn't argue with him on the phone while at work (I'm on the teller line at a bank) so I just said okay and hung up. Two minutes later he calls back and said he invited over a friend and his wife along with another friend!!!! To those of you who have read my posts before: Does it seem to you like I have time to entertain people!!??!! Because apparently HE thinks so!!!! Well, I think I know what he was thinking: that with people over there was no way we could talk about him moving and no way I'd make him stay at his other place....WRONG!!! So, he was drinking and he walked into the bathroom while I was giving Spencer a bath. I said, "you need to stop drinking." He asked why and I said so that he would be able to drive to Tess's house. About five minutes later, his friend offers him a beer and, in front of EVERYONE, he says, "Sorry, I can't have anymore, I have to drive later because I'm not staying HERE tonight!" His friend looks confused, thinks he's kidding and offers him the beer again....so STBX says, a little louder, that he's not staying here anymore, that he's staying up the road from us, all while I am sitting two feet away! I was sooo embarassed, plus, it made me look like a total B****!
I spoke with his mom today while I was at work.


You're on the right track babe, so keep up the good work.
You know, I'd take heed of what his mother said. He does not even see that he is doing anything wrong and is not taking you seriously.
As for feeling embarrassed at his carry on in front of his friend - pay no heed to his behaviour. A little psychology here: if one person is making a scene and the other stays perfectly calm, it is the one making a scene who looks stupid.
Plus, even if the friend thought you were a b****, who cares? That's not your problem! Other people have not lived with this idiot. You have. Other people don't come into it.
Now to the phone calls at work. More manipulative behaviour. There are a couple of options here. One is, if you can, let someone else screen your calls. If this is not possible, cut him dead. "I am at work. Goodbye" is as far as you need to go. Or instead of "Okay" try "No way" or "Go away!" It gets easier with practice, I promise.
Since he is obviously going to continue harassing you, get a nice thick book and document, document, document. (Yep, spot the nurse). The RO sounds like a good idea. I'm not in America but from reading other posts, it seems one would not necessarily need to prevent contact with the children. And if it does, so what? This person needs to learn a lesson in how to treat people. Self-awareness 101, anyone? It seems from your posts that he is more concerned with bugging you than seeing his children anyway. Stop being so nice and start looking out for yourself.
I know I won't be the only one to say this, but keep contact to an absolute minimum. Otherwise he will not get the message. Not even when the divorce comes through. My ex continued to harass me for a year after our divorce so I know what I'm talking about.