so confused, questioning myself...HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
so confused, questioning myself...HELP!
2
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 7:54pm
Ugh....I believe my husband is emotionally/verbally abusive (I posted about this yesterday, I think) Anyhow, so today I went to OASIS (local abuse intervention organization). I told them what was going on and they agreed that not only was he emotionally abusive, but also sexually abusive (he holds me down and gropes on me while he masturbates if I won't have sex with him and gets off on the fact that I am begging him to stop).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 11:14am
Oh Samantha, sweetie my heart goes out to you. Telling him how you're are feeling is only going to keep bringing up these questions. You are not blowing anything out of proportion. He holds you down while you are telling him no!! Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is rape. If you are at the point where you are ready to leave then go to the shelter until housing is available. The more you explain you view of things the more he'll continue to turn it around. Trying to change your view of the situation. Going to the shelter to shock him into reality...maybe for a moment. But, it won't change him. Less then 1% of abusers change. Thats after THEY realize they are abusive and go through intense counseling. There's nothing YOU can do. NOTHING!! You have to think of yourself and your children. YOUR life is too short to have someone in control of it.

My advice to you...Read!! Get as much info possible on abuse. Keep it to yourself. Do not discuss it w/him. Trust me, he'll never understand. Unless he wants somehting from you and feels his reasoning might make it happen. These men never change. Believe me!! Once you are ready to leave make a plan. Make a safety plan. It might be better if you don't tell him you are leaving. But, work that out in time. I would go to the shelter and start some type of counseling. Find a counseler who specializes in abuse. Big hugs to you!! Good luck!

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 1:33pm
I feel absolutely horrible about your situation. I know that it's hard for me to relate to the situation because I'm not married and I don't have kids, but I can understand the pain of some of the things that you've told me bother you. For instance, I know what it is like to be treated as a sex object or to feel self-conscious because a guy openly talks about other girls being pretty in front of me. That kind of stuff can really drain you and leave you questioning yourself and just generally feeling miserable. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to reply to your post because you are a great friend, and I want you to know that I am thinking of you and supporting you no matter what. I just want you and the babies to be happy and safe. *HUGS*