so depressed today

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
so depressed today
5
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 2:03am
Our oldest son won an award for a science project so tomorrow they are having a little reception where the kids that won honors will get their awards. This will just be a small get together that lasts about 30 minutes. My husband told me I am not allowed to go because he will not be there, he will be at work. My husbands friend's wife will be going alone with her children and I asked if I could take the kids and meet her there. Originally he said yes but now he changed his mind. He likes me to be 'in his eyes' when i am around others. Instead now my brother-in-law will go. My son is happy that his uncle will bring him home, because he adores him, but still a little sad I wont be there. My husband told our son that I have too many things here at home to do tomorrow, but that just makes him think he is not important enough for me to make it there. I hope this is not the first of many disappointments. I feel so lonely. Today I took the kids to the grocers and when I was walking around there I looked at other people, seeing how happy and full of life they are. A nice christian woman (she had a cross on her neck)started talking with me while in line and it was so nice to have that simple conversation. At times it can be weeks that go by that I don't talk to anyone other than my family, my parents or posts here. I was so looking forward to tomorrow. I wish I were allowed to have friends over or to be allowed to talk on the phone to a friend. Sometimes I just feel so alone and eventhough my husband can be so mean, he is the only one I really get to have adult conversations with so I try hard to make him happy with me. Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 9:33am
Hi, I just got through reading your post and I'm just thinking what it would be like to live under that level of control he has on you. It sounds like he doesn't mean to be a jerk, it sounds like it is more of a cultural thing and it is the way he was raised. It is apparent you are extremely unhappy. Sounds like divorce is not really an option, you have 5 children, also cultural issues, it would be extremely hard. I really don't know what to say, but I will tell you what I do when things become very stressful in my life I turn to my faith and pray, I talk to my pastor. It helps me deal with things and I feel more at peace with everything. Don't know what religion you are or what you believe, but turning to your faith may be an option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 2:03pm

Dear ahmeds wife,

What is your name?

I think there might be some underlaying deep issue that comes out as an abuse rather than indepth talk heart to heart. I know muslim members of the family can also be very supportive to one another and they do "stick together". Try to talk to him very gently, say you are his wife and you will listen to all his problems, say you have been long enough by his side to have a very special understanding. Pat his hand while talking to him as a friendly gesture. Try to talk to his mind rather than to his heart. Involve your whole family in this if you can including your mad inlaws. But firstly and formostly lay down the law in a very calm way . You got to be respected in your own house!

I am stuck with a very abusive mother and cannot change that or leave either. She brings turmoil every time we meet or speak. The only time she listenes is when i talk like mother to her meaning talking sense. Should i show my vunrable and emotional side i always get badly hurt. There are times though wnen we are very good friends.

Take care &Lots of love

Adriana

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 3:22pm

The callousness of that man astounds me.

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Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 8:36am

Dear Wife,

I am so sorry that you had to miss such an important event. I can feel through your posts and our conversations that your children mean everything to you. Your husband knows this, and this is why he tries to hurt you in this way. The easiest way to hurt you is by denying you special moments with your children. That is very sick.

You deserve to have contact with other adults. I am SO glad that you are continuing to post with us here, and come to chat when you can. We DO care about you. Know that you are not alone with this.

Hugs!!

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi
Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 4:47pm
Dear Ahmeds wife I think of you a lot lately and although I myself have not posted in a very long time I still think of you and I pray fpr your safety daily! Keep coming back to these boards and posting may god be with you :-)