So excited.....so scared!!
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| Thu, 07-07-2005 - 10:25am |
I just wanted to tell you all about the amazing thing that has happened to me. I have been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months. It started out that we were seeing her for “couples” therapy, but during one visit that my husband could not attend, I went alone. During that hour I was able to be honest about my feelings and my fears. She also advised me to get out and I felt safe telling her of my strategic plans to escape. Yesterday, I met with her alone and we went over my safety plan and she asked me HOW I was going to get my stuff moved out. That is the only glitch in my plan, as I can’t afford to hire anyone. I own an SUV with a utility trailer and I was going to try and wing it on my own. I know that doesn’t sound very realistic – 5 months pregnant – but my two attempts to ask for help were ignored and discarded. I don’t have anyone else to ask. I don’t have friends (yet!!). Anyway, my therapist went to the phone and called someone right in front of me. She said, “Bob, I have a client in my office in a very violent relationship. Can you move her and wait a couple of months for payment?” He said “yes!!!” He is a professional mover and will bring 4 guys in. Apparently, he does this service for women in abusive relationships and sits down with the woman prior to the move to go over the safety plan and the most strategic ways to get things out fast. So I met with him and learned:
1) Draw a detailed floor plan, indicating which furniture/stuff is to be moved in relation to the things that WON’T be moved.
2) On the morning of the move, place bright post-it-notes on all of the items to be moved.
3) Have a box of garbage bags ready to throw all clothing, linens, unbreakables into. Don’t worry about folding and packing. Just stuff it in the bags.
4) Items in the cupboards – breakables – place as many into MY vehicle – on the floor, on the seats, in the trunk – even in laundry baskets. They won’t break in a short move.
5) Move as much “unnoticeable” stuff prior to the move. I can store it at the mover’s house and he will place it in the moving van on the day of the move.
6) On the day of the move, after the movers have arrived, I am to move my vehicle to the end of the driveway. This is to block any unwelcome persons (husband) from driving into the driveway in a rage and hurting someone.
7) Once we go over the safety plan AND know the exact date that this is to take place…I am to fax a copy of the plan to the police station, to my therapist and to my lawyer.
I was also advised by my therapist to do the following:
1) After I move into my place, if my husband comes to my door, I am to call the police and say “SOMEONE is trying to break into my house.” She advised NOT to say “my ex-husband” because police officers, unfortunately, are slow to respond to domestic situations.
2) She also advised that I refrain from doing couples therapy in my private practice for ONE YEAR. I think this is a great idea. She said “you can’t give what you don’t have.” I haven’t done a lot of couple’s therapy in the last year anyway, but I will definitely refer any new requests out.
3) Sign a release of information (which I did) to have my therapist contact my husband’s ex-wife to discuss his coming court date - August 8 -(to explain what this is about: my husband has a 10 year old daughter that his ex-wife will not let him see because of his erratic behaviour. I am an unpracticing lawyer, so I did a motion and an application to the court, along with a very long affidavit to have his previous order enforced and then varied). I did this in February when the abuse was not nearly as bad. Through the months I have come to see that what he did to me is what he did to his ex-wife, etc. Typical story. I now want to ensure that his ex-wife has an affidavit from me indicating the current situation. When I have called her to TRY and tell her this, she hangs up as soon as she hears my voice. I have attempted to call her multiple times. My therapist is going to call her instead.
4) She also advised me to stay out of relationships for one year. I thought that was a no-brainer, but she still had to say it. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust another man again. Right now I don't care if I live alone for the rest of my life and raise my baby all alone. Big deal.
Anyway…I am so happy and relieved!! My therapist has been amazing and I see how there is an underground network of information and assistance out there that even I did not know about. Once I get back on my feet, I want to be that kind of therapist for someone else!
Then….after all that….I went to my new apartment and found out that it will not be ready until closer to the end of the month. I could scream about it, but I see that the owner was there (I stopped in unannounced) and he is working like a dog to get it done. He has all the drywall up now (he started from a bare basement), the appliances are in (all new!!!!) and the 2 bedrooms are nearly completed. The windows are big and bright – it isn’t like a typical basement at all. I have a huge yard and my own driveway. We talked about my situation and they both asked me what his name and appearance is. We worked out a code to alert them (they live upstairs and work from home) and they both said they would not hesitate to call the police. I can bring my SUV there next week (I’m going to tell my husband that I’m getting a new windshield) and I can put some stuff in the storage area if I want.
It is all coming together!!! I’m nervous and even terrified….but soooooo excited!!! I was practically bouncing last night, but I hid my enthusiasm behind a book and a bowl of popcorn so that husband would not think anything is up.
I can’t wait to live alone in my new place. It is going to be quiet and CLEAN! I’m going to eat peanut butter right out of the jar for supper if I want….and watch whatever I want on TV (no more Simpson’s)….and stay up late (he always wants me to go to bed with him)….and laugh….and find friends!!! I’m definitely going to find a friend.

Wow, that is amazing!
CL-Blueliner4