This is so hard, please help
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| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:37pm |
hi everyone,
I am leaving my abusive husband in a couple of months, but first i need to save money, i opened a new account and have been sneaking money in there. The problem that I am having is secertly lieing to him, i have not told him im leaving yet, if i did he would kick my ass, kick me out and i would have nothing. So i decided not to tell him till i am ready to leave.
Its hard somedays though to sit and look at him thinking to myself, yeah you as*hole, i am leaving you. Its even harder when he has his good days and is nice to me. Or when he says yeah next year we will have to do this...etc, well i know in my head that I wont be around next year, thank god.
How did you handle this? or if not what is the best way to handle this, any advice would be great.

Iv_Skorpio
Keep your resolve! As you told me you have to get out. I decided to write out a list of why I need to get out of this relationship this evening and re-read it when I am feeling weak, a suggestion I read on the board. You're doing the right thing making a plan to escape and no one in their right mind would hold a few white lies against you. I am reading the book "Why Does He Do That?" and believe me it has opened my eyes, have you read it? Controlling abusers are so good at what they do and their behaviors are so devious, it really helped me. Keep posting, we are helping each other, of this I am sure.
hey toni206
You are so right, I just need to focuse, but its so hard when you dont like lieing, but your right again, this is for my life. No i have not read the book, I have been trying to find a good book but we dont really have any good bookstores. But thanks for the advice, im sure i will be talking with you again =)
we can do it!!!
I am in the ***EXACT*** situation as we speak. Mine even said the other day "My life is finally coming together" (meaning that he will be off a year long intense chemo med treatment for Hep C AND he is about to get a long awaitied for fire dept position ...) & i was thinking "Oh Boy ... if ONLY you knew".
& yes, some days its hard - when they are "good". But luckily, mine always ends up QUICKLY reminding me why i cant WAIT to GET HIM OUT.
& teh lying & sneaking doesnt bother me at all .... 1st off, its for self preservation ... & secondly, he always accuses me of being a liar & a sneak ANYway, so why NOT???
Stay tough, you ARE doing the right thing. R~
Thought I would pop in becasue I did the same thing when I left XBF in 2001. I had been going to a therapist and she suggested that I take stuff out of the house whenever possible without him knowing. So, I would pack up clothes and put them in duffles and siphon money off into my own account and take everything to my grandma's house. Then, one day I said I was leaving and I just went with my uncle and took all my stuff out of the house, he was furious and yelling and screaming at me and my uncle but we just kept moving stuff and that was it. I did it all in a months time, I can't imagine having to wait to leave. Is there anyone that you could move in with or stay with instead of waiting it out with your husband? I am just greatful that I had my grandma's to go to because it saved my life and my sanity.
good luck to you:)
em
Hi Skorpio -
On the board homepage, there's a link to a safety plan.
CL-Blueliner4
I understand about not wanting anyone else involved, unfortunately my family knew what a jerk he was and they were alreayd pretty much involved because they made sure to watch over me. If I wasn't going to leave they were going to make sure they knew where I was and what I was doing at all times.
Chuck never noticed a darn thing that I did, I suppose every man is different so I would hate to have you do something that would frighten you or put you in danger. Above all else you need to protect yourself and if that means waiting until you are taking everything all at once then do that. I just wish you the best and hope that you get out sooner rather than later so that you can begin