So many new faces here

Avatar for bama1gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
So many new faces here
17
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 12:49pm

Wow. I haven't been here in a very, very long time. Life has a way of keeping you busy sometimes. For those of you who don't know me, I was a co-cl here once a very long time ago.

The new year always makes me reflect over my life, which in turn makes me thankful that I am where I am today. This board was so instrumental in that success. So a brief trip down memory lane and a quick update on my life today.

I've been out of my abusive marriage since May 31, 2003. Divorced since September 14, 2004. My marriage was one filled with emotional and psychological abuse, but not physical abuse. I did all the standard things we all do - made excuses for his behavior, was conditioned to believe I got what I deserved, etc. But sweetdreams (another past co-cl) and this board helped me become strong enough to stand up and fight back. And am I forever thankful for that!

My now 18yo daughter is in college and doing really well. She has healed amazingly well and is finally dating nice boys rather than copycats of her dad. She has a healthy relationship with a great guy, and I am so hopeful that she will stay on that path now that she has experienced the bad ones.

My now 11yo daughter is living with me fulltime, but sees her dad on alternate weekends. She's healing nicely as well, but still has the behaviors when she comes home from dad's house. We battle them regularly, but she is finally learning what it is to live in a healthy, safe, secure place.

We've moved to a new town, about 40 miles from my ex, which has been a great experience. Now he can't drop by and we don't run into him in town anymore. His influence over my life is finally over for good. I've also begun dating again - although not with the level of success I had hoped for. Took me 2 years to want to date, so I am enjoying it. Meeting nice guys who know how to treat a woman has been refreshing. And although I once said that I would NEVER marry again, I am starting to change that view. I would like to eventually marry again. (Okay, Tracy, no I told ya so's. lol)

I hope for everyone here that the support of this board helps you the way it helped me. Without this board, I don't know if I would be out and free and finally happy again. It's tough sometimes to be a single parent, but the fun we have together now and the healthy way we interact is so worth every second of hardship it took to get here. I wish for all of you the peace and calm and love that I now have in my life. No matter what anyone tells you, life is a thousand times better without the abuse, even if it means that you are alone for awhile. Being alone is much better than being abused.

I wish you all the best in escaping abuse and becoming whole and healthy again.

Peace and hugs to all,
Cheryl

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 3:13pm

Cheryl,
It is always wonderful to hear such great stories for all those who just realizing abuse and for those who also have found our way out. I too like to reflect in the new year especially as it was during the christmas season I finally found my strength to begin leaving. I actually left on February 11/04 so this time of year is pretty relfective for me also.

It sounds as if things have worked out very well for you. It is quite the journey isnt it? I also wanted to say that some of your posts as cl were very helpful to me at the time I was trying to find my freedom. Its funny becasue just the other night I was reading through some of my old posts adn the replies in one of my refelctive moments, lol.

Well, I hope dating turns out well for you, there are good men out there.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 9:05pm

Hey Stranger!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 10:33pm

Cheryl! How about that...I cruise through here for the first time in what seems like too long a time and here you are, cruising through, too! I'm so glad, because I really miss our old *gang*...we all need to have a cyber reunion or something! It's so uplifting to read your update. I am so glad to hear you are doing well!

Hey, speaking of Miss Sweetdreams, do you know if she still has the same email address at aol? We were emailing all the time and then I spoke to her on the phone awhile back, but I have been so busy lately that I haven't had a chance to get in touch with her in awhile. I wanted to check in with her to get caught up, and the other night I did send her an email to let her know what happened to Kanga's husband, but I haven't heard back from her so I wondered if maybe her email address has changed? Have you heard from her and is she doing okay? I know she is back in Alabama now and the last time we spoke on the phone she was enjoying her work there and was happily dating someone. I hope she is still happy with that person and that everything is going great for her!

Hugs!!
Jeepster

Avatar for bama1gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:18pm

Hey, Jeep! Wow, great that we both stopped in today. Sweet still has the aol, but I'm not sure how often she checks it. My oldest is visiting her right now, so I'll be talking to her tomorrow I'm sure. I'll tell her to email you back! She's doing well. Grant writing and PR for the DV shelter in her county in Alabama, so she's still fighting the good fight. She is wonderfully happy, they are buying a house, and all is going really well for her right now.

I'm so glad to see you back here, too. I still hear from everyone on occasion. We should definitely have a little cyber reunion and all catch up. Would be fun to see how everyone is doing these days. Really great to see you again, sweetie.

Peace and hugs,
Cheryl

Avatar for bama1gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:21pm

I'm so glad to hear you're doing well, Lisa. And I'm glad to know that something I said was helpful to you. It is a struggle to make it through. Now, when I see my ex, I have no emotion whatsoever. Not even hate or frustration, just nothing. He's still the same angry, unhappy person he always was and I won't let that interfere with my life ever again! Feels good to know that he now has nothing over me. Good luck in staying strong and getting healthy. Freedom is worth it!

Peace and hugs,
Cheryl

Avatar for bama1gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:26pm

Wishful, it is so great to see you again! It was hard when I gave up the cl hat as well, but it was time for me to move on. Hard to believe sometimes just how much time has passed. Life isn't perfect, but it is wonderful!

I'll have to check out the new board website. Haven't been there yet. I'm glad that my story is able to help others. That's what this board is all about!

I am so amazed when I see my girls. How healthy they have become. How happy. My 18yo has been in Alabama visiting sweetdreams. Her real dad lives in Pensacola, so visiting him too. It's been a good time for her. Her real dad and his family have welcomed her with open arms. Great healing experience for her.

I'm so glad that you're doing well. And it's been great to see you again!

Peace and hugs,
Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 12:48am

Okay, I'm going to go put a pot of coffee on and bust out the cheesecake.


Cheryl, it's so great to hear that you and the girls are doing so great, as is Sweet.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:14am

Hey blue...I talked to Miz a couple of nights ago and she is so busy that I don't know how she even does it all. She owns a business now and it has kept her wrapped up and busy almost 24/7 and then on top of that her home and her business were very much affected by Katrina. Her home is basically unliveable now and ever since Katrina her and the kids have been basically living at her office, which also had to operate on a generator for awhile. She is finally getting the help she needs to be able to relocate to a temporary residence sometime this week. She is exhausted, but true to her nature, still optimisitic, tenacious, and has a great attitude about everything. She's a tough cookie, she is!

Me and mine are all doing great! Miss Chloe is 6 now and playing golf! Richard and I celebrated our first anniversary in November by taking a trip to NYC and Montreal. It was beyond wonderful! He is still the same kind, calm person he was the day I met him, and he has brought Chloe so much joy. He is so good with her and loves her so much, and she is so crazy about him that I am not sure what she would ever do without him. I think she loves him more than me! He lets her dress him up, hang plastic earrings off his ears, watches kid's movies with us, and they run and scream together through the house like two 6 yr. olds instead of one. I was very blessed to find someone whom I can trust with both her and myself.

As for Miss Tracy, she just seems to be happy as a little clam.....I am so thrilled for her!!

Ok, so now it's time for your update....how's life been treating you?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:16am

Hi Cheryl, Sweet emailed me this morning and has promised me an update very soon.
Thank You for filling me in a little bit on her, too. I am beyond thrilled to hear things are going so well for her...she deserves it, and so do you!

Hugs and Smiles!
Jeepster

Avatar for bama1gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:38am

I'm glad she finally emailed you. I emailed her other email address last night and told her to email you back! She's been busy with my daughter visiting and with the new house. I'm glad we're ALL doing well - we ALL deserve it!

Peace and hugs,
Cheryl

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