Some "firsts" and an update on me.
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 03-15-2005 - 1:25pm |
Today, I got my majorly-long-needed-a-style-hair cut at the local day spa (I love that place). Rather, DD and I got our hair cut. But she is neither here nor there. I love my cut - I spent a long while trying to figure out what I should have done with it. I look very sexy and sophisticated - and my hair was the healthiest, shiniest, silkiest hair that the hairstylist had seen in a while. (I had healthy hair when I walked in the place - getting a whole bunch taken off of it surely can't hurt!!) I love the cut. Love it love it. It is my first haircut since STBX became STBX. My last haircut was in my kitchen in July of 2003. The one before that was March 2003 and it was at the same day spa. I can't remember haircuts before that - I know I had them I just don't know when. SO after I got the awesome cut, I went to the local drug store and spent entirely too much on some make-up and nail products. And for the first time since 1997 (no kidding), I put in another pair of earrings instead of wearing my diamond earrings. I bought the earrings today. I put them in today. It feels so weird to see myself like this - I applied make-up (I'd been slowly replacing my make-up b/c I buy sorta expensive make-up and I can't get it all at once) and then put the earrings in and wow, along with the way I've slowly been toning my body and slowly losing weight, I look rather, well, GOOD! I want to look good for *me*. If men happen to notice, men happen to notice .
And my new book should be here before the 18th, which is super.
And today is my day off of work. And I think I'll throw in an update while I'm here.
I work. I usually work between 35 and 40 hours a week. I don't like it. But I have to - I chose to want to live a life without STBX. He was the sole provider. I do my best on my own. I have three children with STBX. The youngest just turned 4. The eldest just turned 9. The middle just turned 7. The two older kids are in mobile therapy and the middle child has a TSS (therapeutic support staff) worker that works with him at school, in the community and at home. They are doing MUCH MUCH BETTER than they were in September and I JUST bought some books for their therapy - the therapist bought the other half of the same set. If anyone wants to know what THESE AWESOME books are called (two of them are workbooks), let me know. The topic of the books is "Divorce Happens To the Nicest Kids" and I'll let you know which books/workbooks we're using. AWESOME, AWESOME BOOKS. My kids are in therapy primarily because of the effects of the divorce. I recommend therapy for kids.
I don't drive. I don't have my license. My STBX has our car - even though my mother is the primary buyer on the loan (according to Chrysler Financial - if you ask STBX he will tell you he has been told that he is the primary buyer - so I don't know who is right exactly but I know what our paperwork says that I have in storage) I let him have the car and the payments. It is a nice car and I hope that STBX is able to use it for a long time. I picked it out at the lot when we needed a new car.
Since I don't drive, I depend on public transportation to get me to/from work. And to/from daycare. I walk everywhere else. My mom comes into town to take me to Super Wal-Mart once a month. I use a stroller with DD because she has heart problems and can't walk long distances. She is the youngest child.
Yes, I said daycare. My kids have a daycare that is close to their school that they go to. She is a very good certified daycare provider. There is a waiting list for kids to get in there. STBX has met the daycare provider - if I work on a weekend he has custody he'll need to give the kids to her/get the kids from her. So I'm good to go there. We did have (STBX and I) a custody/spousal support hearing late February. We were both happy with its outcome.
STBX and I have agreed on child custody at this time. His lawyer would like it court ordered. I am fine with that. I drew up my proposal per her request (STBX has a female lawyer) and handed it to my lawyer last Monday (not yesterday the one before). STBX's weekend coming up with the kids is the 19th. While he has them, I plan to watch movies on DVD, take a nap in the afternoon, and clean. I am not dating at this time, nor do I plan on dating for quite some time. I want to spend time with myself learning about myself and healing. I want to spend time doing things for me, because for so long I was doing things for everyone else and I forgot about doing them for me.
I like where I'm at in life, even though I have new stresses. I feel happier - I am working on making my own happiness - no one else should have to do that for me. I think that in time, STBX and I will be able to be amicable with each other. He was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and Clinical Depression the week after Halloween 2004 after he attempted suicide again. He was hospitalized and helped, and I'm glad he received that help. He is in therapy now, and taking his prescriptions like he should be. He seems like he is doing well with his new life, trying to find his way and trying to find his new balances. He is able to experience things that he wouldn't have had we stayed intact and actively married. I sincerely wish him well.
I hope to be *divorced* soon. I've signed some papers recently that my lawyer needs to process, I've agreed to the property settlement and have been very cooperative. I have agreed to the custody. The 90 day wait was up Jan22nd. STBX filed on September 30, 2004. I hope to know soon from my lawyer how much longer this will take.
So that's me for now. And I wanted to say that if you don't want to be with someone, you don't have to be with them. It will work out if you decide to leave. It might be a long road, but it will work out. You may have to live on less $, sell some possessions and live in a new lifestyle, but it will work out. If you want it to, that is. The strength is within you. Just let it out. :)
~Me

What a wonderful uplifting post!
That's a beautiful story and you sound great. Good for you! I'm glad to see you and STBX are amicable. That's better for the kids. I don't foresee that ever happening with my ex and I. It just gets worse every day. I've gotten to the point where I just hate him and that's sad. We do have a 15 yr. daughter together. We were together 26 years. But he's brought me to this point. Oh well......
It's great to get into YOU. Somedays I'm into that; other days I feel blah. And I felt blah today. I didn't eat anything but junk all day and feel like a big fat Lil Debbie. Until I walked into the store to get a cup of coffee this afternoon, felt that I looked like crap, but did smile at everybody. Only to have about the best looking guy I've seen in quite a while smile at me and then tell me I smelled good!!! That made my day!! It's the little things that matter!!
Good for you. I'm glad you feel good about yourself!
Happy
Hey lady!
You sound great, so positive.
CL-Blueliner4
I'll post two posts. This one will contain book names and links. I recommend ordering from Amazon.com - I LOVE THEM. If you clump all the books into one order, you'll more than likely qualify for free super saver shipping. If I could get all my ducks in a row sometime, then I'll be able to do the same thing - but sometimes I spontaneously shop online and find myself ordering from amazon.com two days in a row. . .
Ok here we go. I order all books in paperback if I can - it's just cheaper. And I prefer to order the amazon.com books new and not used.
Both my kids (newly 7 and newly 9) are going to be using this workbook:
Kids' Divorce Workbook revised
A book by, for, and about kids
Michael S. Prokop
Counseling Psychologist
Link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0933879423/qid=1110934861/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-8360351-7636765?v=glance&s=books
Both of my kids are going to be read this book by the Mobile Therapist AND myself:
Divorce Happens To The Nicest Kids Revised
A Rational Self-Help Guide for Children (3-15), Parents and Counselors
Revised Edition Discusses Fourteen Important Recommendations for Divorcing Parents
Michael S. Prokop, M.Ed.
Counseling Psychologist
Link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0933879415/qid=1110934861/sr=1-10/ref=sr_1_10/104-8360351-7636765?v=glance&s=books
The therapist recommended this neat-o drawing book for Andrew who just turned 9. He was pretty sure that it wouldn't really help with Alex. But I'd say get it for your daughter BECAUSE IT'S AN AWESOME BOOK!!
My Mom and Dad Don't Live Together Anymore
A Drawing Book
For Children of Seperated or Divorced Parents
by Judith Aron Rubin, Ph.D.
Link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1557988358/qid=1110935222/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/104-8360351-7636765
HTH. Their Mobile Therapist has his masters I believe. He is qualified to be a school guidance counselor. He rocks. :) *I* am learning things in the kids' sessions. It's a positive experience. :) The 7yo has therapy one hour a week. The 9yo has therapy two hours a week. We usually do it all in one night. It works well.
HTH. More later on the rest of your post. I wanted to get this info out before I potentially clonked out for the night. I've had quite an afternoon trying to set up back-up day care b/c my daycare provider is still really sick and can't watch any children I have to go to work tomorrow and the next day and the next day. But I got it all taken care of and now I can breathe for a minute. :)
~Me