Is this some form of abuse?
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| Fri, 11-19-2004 - 2:20am |
Hello Everyone,
I am not really sure what the heck my husband has been doing too me for the past 4 years. All i know is I feel completly dead. Yes I am breathing, yes last time I checked I had a heart beat but other then that I feel 100% dead, no spirt, no soul, no hope, no get up and go, no zest for life. Nothing like that.
I'm also trying too figure out a way too sum up everything that has happened in the past 4 years and make it all fit in here. I want too do that with out confusing every single person that reads this. So I'm going too try and sum it all up real quick and see what you all think if you understand.
Key Points too keep in mind;
#1 I suffer with depression alot, especially in Winter time.
#2 My husband is vary aware of this and knew it before he married me.
#3 All the things I list off that he's doing has been happening over the course of 4 years.
#4 Why did I marry my husband? I was looking for a guy that would help me out of my depression not abuse me in any way, and wanted a happy life, as much as I do and have a child or 2.
Now what he's been doing on and off for 4 years. (we've only been married for 5 years.)
#1 There was a time when I did want too leave him after a year of marriage we were going threw some extreme finacial crisis and I did want too leave him. He said " ok fine go, leave but if you do I'm taking alysha (she was 1 year old our daughter.) and you'll never see her again. I can leave but he's taking alysha and I'll never see her again?
#2 After that we talked and I was scared too death he would take alysha and I'd never see her again so I stayed with him. Hoping things would get better for us. He wanted too move too a place where the population was like 200 but that includes, all the dogs, cats, ants, worms ect in the area. Now knowing my depression I wasn't keen on moving there, I told him I picture my self dying there becuase we were so secluded, nothing there, no family, no friends, nothing. Closest real town was an hour drive away. But he wanted too try it, so me being "good wife." agreed after he said "look lets try it and if it don't work after a year we will move back too here.
#3 well that was biggest mistake we ever made, he'd take the van too work and I'd be left all alone at home. The only time I got into the real world was once every 2 weeks that was too go grocery shopping. Once in a blue moon we would escape too Edmonton for night out and some fun in city. That happened like once every 3 or 4 months.
( I felt like a prisioner, one vehicle we had couldn't get out, out in the middle of no where with nothing.)
#4 Due too having one vehicle and closest place of work he found a job (hour drive away.) but not me,, I stayed home looked after daughter. We also had a lemon for a car that cost us 800 a month in gas and oil, too be- able too run it for my husband too get too work.We lived in very old house, heating bills went threw the roof, gas bills went threw the roof.
Eg every month gas bill was no less then 300/month in winter.
#5 My husband lost his job many times had too find new work. I begged him and begged him, lets get out lets go back, we're dying here. His answer noooooooooooo we're staying why?
Becuase his mom wanted us too live in that house. He didn't want too displease his mom. We were renting a house we owned.
#6 We had our gas, power, water disconnected many times while we lived there. Why? cause he was only making $1000 a month. But when our van broke down then we really couldn't leave we lost tranmission in van so now nobody working. I beged him again "let's leave."
No he said we staying I'll make it better for us it will work. Or he said we can't leave becuase of our dog i don't wanna get rid of the dog. Or it was "no we can't leave my mom wants us too stay here."
( I WAS NOTHING HE CHOOSE SIDED WITH HIS MOM, THE DOG, and his own PRIDE for 3 years. No matter how much I begged him lets go back,, we're dying here I'm dying here.)
Does any of what he did help someone who suffers with sever depression in Winter?
Now look I'm not 100% angel here I did get very depressed and I did want out and I told my husband I wanted too leave him, too find a better life. But what did he say? " fine leave but alysha stays with me,, I don't trust you won't try and kill yourself when your alone with her."
But you all have too realize something here,, where we lived our bills where threw the roof all the time, he fell into a depression for a year more bills pilled in. I did look for work when he was depressed and found some. But becuase our car we got after we lost the tranmission in van was also killing us, no joke 800 a month in gas and oil a month. I don't have a college degree, neither does he too land ourselve 20$ an hour jobs. We were downing and with one vehicle running it was no in our best interest for both of us too be working there. I wanted too come back too vancouver where doesn't matter if we have vehicle or not, we both and take tranist bus and work.
Why didn't I leave him yet? Where would I go? I'd end uphomeless, on street, without daughter, or dead. He knows this I swear he gets off on knowing that fact. But he always told me " if you hate it here so much then leave?" I leave and end up on street homelss and where does he get too stay? and with whom? IS THAT FAIR?
Now after 4 years of that stuff what ever the heck you wanna call it we are back in Vancouver, finally. But something very serious happened. I was in a accident with our van ( we did finally managed too get a used tranmission 3 months before we left Faust.) So I was in an accident with van and ended up rear ending somebody. Quite a bit of damage was done. Why? becuase I couldn't get the van stopped. ( We have major problems with the van no money too fix it up and last week when we took the van too a mechanic the guy said "omg this van should be condemmed.") So anyways I got in accident couldn't get the van stopped I wasn't speeding, I just couldn't get it stopped even though I had brake pedal shoved all the way down almost threw the floor boards before it really really slowed the van right down and stopped. But anyways once we ran inot them I was crying and crying I was a mess and my husband says too me. " SHHHHHHH listen,, we are in big trouble remember when I told you I payed the insurance on the van 3 months ago too get the 6 month coverage till Dec? I'm looking at him "yes i do." Well I only payed for 3 months. So basically I been driving that drive and he's been driving that van for 2 months with no insurance. Then he tells me? I had that accident 2 nights ago.
Another thing is last week his sister in law asked him " you been here for over 3 months now, mom and I will help pay for insurance if you need it,cause they know I not working yet and they know we are buried in debt bigtime, and don't have a lot of money." But what did he tell her? "No we are good until Dec and don't need the help. Plus mom always gives me a hard time when ever I ask for her for help. His sister laughed "yes I know that but we also know that you and your wife are in a huge finacial crisis now that's why we help you when you do ask us." He said " yes i know but we are ok till Dec."
I heard all of that. I am sooooo filled with hate, I am so mad, I feel so dead, for being placed second for so long, now this? Accident no insurance my fault. He lied? If you think I felt depressed in faust how do you all think I feel now? After the accident when we got home my husband and I got into another huge fight, and he said again " if you don't like it you can leave, you always telling me you want too leave so pack you crap and I'll take you too a shelter?"
IS THAT FAIR? My life is ruined, never be able too drive again, will end up owing ICBC i don't know how much, he picked his mom's wants over my wants and health for 3 years, he picked the dog over me. And now becuase I want him and I too seperate I have too leave and be homeless, have nothing, been thrown back into the pits of hell, without my daughter. And he gets too stay where? With whom?
IS THIS FAIR? Am I the only person on this earth that belives he has emtionally screwed with my head, and caused me Mental distress for years and thinks it's so unfair when I want too leave now 100% forsure that I have too be homeless and without my daughter?
Anyone I need help here. I rather die then being made homeless and not be able too hold
my daughter, or play with her every day like i have since she was born ever again. I don't know what my husband is doing too me, he's not beating me, but I feel so dead, non human, no soul, nothing and I've felt this way for 3 years when we lived in faust.I didn't think it was possible too feel any lower. But now as I sit here writting this I have no way too explain how I am feeling now. The only words that come too my head are " It's over for me, my life is ruined once again. I am done."

Oh, boy.
hi,
um can you tell me what this board is for? I was pretty sure when I came too this site and read the information here that is was for people whom *KNOW and WANT HELP.* Am I wrong?
I know I need help, but if you have some kind of "secret key" too keep and have only postive thoughts threw all I wrote about then please pass it too me.
I never once claimed I'm ok I don't need help. I just wrote in here looking for help trying too figure out if what my husband was abuse? He doesn't beat me, he doesn't tell me "shut up you F#$%^&* B#$%^. All I was looking for is too find out if what he was doing is abuse. If people in here say "yes." Then forsure I am out the door too a shelter looking for help. I have been down that road before not with my husband. But with an extremly violent boyfriend.
Anyways enough said I guess.
Abuse comes in many forms, and financial is one of them.