Somebody TOLD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
Somebody TOLD!
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 10:34am

I have been married for 15 years and have endured verbal, mental, and physical abuse at the hands of my husband. I have two girls, 12 and 15. Over the last three months I have been planning my exit. I have an apartment lined up just waiting to sign lease next week. I have a car that was just purchased this past Tuesday ( i have been without one for almost two years). I have my girls prepped and ready to go. My husband knew none of this. Until yesterday! Someone called him from a restricted number and told him that he needed to watch his back because I was about to take everything and leave him. They knew everything! They knew that the house we live in (my grandmothers) is in forclosure and we have until the end of January to be out (this was done on purpose because the last time I tried to end it he refused to leave so my grandma said let it go its not worth it). They knew that he withdrew the money for my car from his 401K. The only thing they did not tell him was about the apartment. He called me and just as calm as could be asked if this was true and if it was I had this one chance to come clean. He then proceded to tell me that he was mad enough to KILL over this, still in a completely calm voice. I denied it all as He had my car getting some service done on it and I had rode with someone to work and had no way to leave. He acted as if nothing were wrong last night and I reassured him that someone must be trying to make trouble for us and he (i think) believed me. I cant believe someone would do this to me. The only people I told were my friends and relatives who knew the kind of dangerous man he is and have done everything they can to help me out of this situation. And they are all women, the caller was a male! They told him they


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 11:00am


Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 11:32am

t's quite possible there is no one...male or female.

He might have been watching you himself or had someone else.

It could be just a ploy on his part to see how you would react.

Where I live you can get help from Social Services if you are in an "Abusive" situation.

Like the other poster said maybe one of your friends or family members unintentionally let it slip.

People just don't realize the necessity for secrecy.

How much our life, our lives depend on it.

Please be careful, be safe.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 5:21pm

I agree w/the other two ladies.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 6:57pm

I suspect one of your female friends told her Husband and that person told your H. Anyway..I would really get a lawyer lined up as case you have to file an RO..and move ASAP. MAke sure you serve him soon with custody for your daughters else he can take them any time he wishes too as well. Good luck.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 7:54am

Hi swt and welcome to the board.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 1:31pm

thank you so much for all the advice ladies. So far everything is going ok. He keeps making veiled comments about me leaving him and his step mother called me yesterday and told me that he had told his father as far back as 2 weeks ago that he thought I was going to leave as soon as he bought me a car. I have a weird situation in that HIS family is my main support for leaving. His mom, step mom and both sisters have urged me to get out for a very long time. I wont hear anything on the apartment until the lady returns from vacation on Monday. My girls are chomping at the bit to be gone so hopefully by next weekend I will be out. He works nights this weekend so we are going to use the time to pack things and get ahead of the game a bit. I will definetly keep you guys in the loop as I no longer trust any of my "friends" to keep silent. My mother is my safety contact and we have an emergency bag packed and in the car just in case. Have a good weekend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 1:44pm
This "kill you" comment is very disturbing. Did it scare you? According to books I've read, 75% of women who break it off with an abusive man experience some sort of violence. Rather 75% of reported DV cases are when the woman was breaking it off with the man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 2:04pm

GOOD for you for continuing to go through with your plan on leaving. You really are so courageous. I bet too that one of your friend's husband's told your husband. I'm really sorry that happened... I bet it was so scary for you when he found out. I'm glad you have some support out there. It says a lot of the type of person too tha he is especially since his family is supporting and encouraging your decision. Just keep moving forward and stay safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 2:42pm

The Kill someone comment wasnt directed at me, rather it was towards the person who called as he seems to think I might be in an affair and the man was trying to get my husband to leave me ( told ya he was nuts! LOL) I am very concerned for my safety during the time I am leaving. I already have the order of protection papers filled out and ready to file. I have had one in the past so I dont think I will have a hard time getting another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sat, 12-04-2010 - 9:26pm

I'm proud of you for leaving. So many women don't. You are also teaching your girls not to take this treatment from a man