Something must really be wrong with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Something must really be wrong with me.
6
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 4:06pm

I must be on a collision course wtih death because I get suckered in to the some bull everytime.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 4:34pm

Dont beat yourself over it. He just sucked you back in..something they do quite often. The key is to STOP caring. You are not his mother..get him a nurse, a caregiver or something..let it be their problem. That way you can also let go. If you did have to help in an emergency..help as a third party..come and go. Better to arrange a long term help. Write down all incidents and when you start to feel bad, read them again..just let it become someone else's problem. you need get your own support system going. So just take a U-turn and step out to freedom again. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 4:58pm
I haven't figured out how to stop caring. As long as I don't hear from him, I'm fine. I can make plans, live my lifeand finally be happy. He has a way of pulling me back in and I hate him and me for it.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 8:53pm

Hi Fun, welcome back.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 10:43am
Funbuz, this man has been dying for a long time now, and although you say he is not an invalid and is able to continue beating you up, he is making a lot of hard, unpleasant work for you. It's time to get some help.

See if you can get a home health nurse to come by to evaluate his condition. I believe that any medical professional seeing him will say that it's time for either hospice or a nursing home. He will not like this, because he won't be able to beat up the hospice workers or the nursing home staff, but you will know that he is being taken care of in a safe place. The person who chooses is not the patient, who will always prefer to be having his needs met at home, it is the caregiver, who reaches a point at which she is overwhelmed and cannot continue.

You reached that point long ago, but you are used to your husband having his own way and being able to beat you, so you continue to try to tough it out. Please protect yourself (and him) by turning his care over to trained professionals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 12:28pm

Just curious. Is it him that says he is dying and has all this medical problems or is it the doctor who tells you he is dying? It very well could be his interpretation he is dying, or he could be playing the I am dying card to manipulate you when he is not dying at all.

I agree with the previous posters that say look into a hospice or assisted living facility for him. If he is indeed dying, the facilities could provide him better care and more comfort than you are physically able. Also if he becomes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 1:48pm

Kat, you are very insightful. I have wondered if Funbuz's husband is genuinely sick, but never asked about it. How does a man with two broken hips, stage 4 cancer, etc etc, manage to get around in his house, even if it's only on the second floor? Funbuz also told us several months ago of a time her husband didn't want her to go somewhere, and he managed to come down the stairs and go with her.

Funbuz, you've been a member here at ivillage since 2006, and here is one of your first posts:

"Hi,
I've haven't had it to work. I've left 25+ times, I keep coming back thinking it will get better, it doesn't. It only gets worse. I'm so tired of the h---, the screaming, the punching, kicking, beaten with a hammer and the butt of a gun. He doesn't have anyone either but he treats me like crap. He blames me for him being sick. Now he tells me if I leave again he will kill me or worse take everyting from me. So I'm scared to leave. I never want to return, no matter what.

You are a good person but is he worth your life? Does he feel the pain that you feel? I'm sure being hooked on meth is a horrible experience but I say leave while you still can.

I'm praying for you. I know you are strong because your still there. It takes a strong person to withstand the abuse that we do."

It looks like nothing has changed for you, except that your husband may be angrier, meaner, and more of a burden.