Is spanking abusive???
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Is spanking abusive???
| Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:29pm |
Hi everyone..>I'm fairly new here and never posted to this board before. But a situation has arisen that I need help on. My ex-H and I have never agreed on discipline issues with our children. He says i'm too lenient...I say he's too forceful....with him the punishment never fits the crime. For example and this is the situation I am currently dealing with...if my son comes home from school (he is 7 and in 1st grade) and has received a note home from the teacher that he was talking in class or something (he's a very active little boy and can be a handful) but talking in class is hardly deserving of being spanked. My son, told me this morning...that Dad told him if he gets another note home fromt he teacher regarding talking or anything else for that matter...that he will recieve three spanks on his bottom with his pants pulled down. I am just sick over this....to me this is abusive and bordering on being sexually abusive as his pants are being pulled down. I'm sick to think my precious son has endured this before from his father and lives in fear that it will happen again...it's just wrong, wrong, wrong....But what does the law state on the type of thing..i am going to talk to my attorney about it, but wondering if anyone here knows anything...Please help...I need to protect my son! We live in Ohio by the way. Thank you so much!

Hi Wildfire - welcome to the board :o)
I just checked out the board website (http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm) to see if I could find anything about slapping your son... I have posted a list of a warning list of abusers:
What is abuse? A warning list
-maltreatment: cruel or inhumane treatment
-mistreat: treat badly
-a rude expression intended to offend or hurt
-use foul or abusive language towards
-Abuse is a general term for the misuse of a person or thing, causing harm to the person or thing, to the abuser, or to someone else. Abuse can be something as simple as damaging a piece of equipment through using it the wrong way, or as serious as severe maltreatment of a person. Abuse may be direct and overt, or may be disguised and covert.
-Attempting to cause or causing physical harm Placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm (applies to threats and to situations where the abuser has assaulted the victim but no battery has occurred. Causing another to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress
-Treating another person with physical or mental cruelty, usually on a regular basis and against their will.
-Improper care of another person by the legal guardian.
-pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting
-threatening you, your children, other family members or pets
-threatening suicide to get you to do something
-using or threatening to use a weapon against you
-keeping or taking your paycheck
-puts you down or makes you feel bad
-forcing you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like
-keeping you from seeing your friends, family or from going to work
On this list it does say slapping. How does your Ex-H he act towards you? Do you recognize any of these warning signs in him when you were together with you husband?
I also suggest calling this for the Domestic Violence Hotline #1-800-799-SAFE
You should also check out this website for Domestic Violence: http://www.womenslaw.org/
I am sorry that I haven't been very much help to you. I do suggest checking out the websites and calling the DV Hotline.
Lauren
I personally do not consider spanking in and of itself abusive, as long as it is restricted to the bottom, and as long as it does not bruise or otherwise mark the child. I also know that the state I live in agrees with my view. I am of the personal opinion, however, that spanking should be a last resort, and I do not agree with the pants being pulled down.
Taking what I just said, you must also consider this in light of his overall behavior. Does he behave in other ways that might be considered abusive? To determine this, looking over Lauren's list is a great idea.
Wishing you and your son the best.
~Adrianne~
Hi Wildfire,
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know how important it is to want to protect your son (I also have a 1st grade son). I agree with everything Lauren said and I want to say that to me spanking with pants pulled down is way beyond discipline and enters the area of humiliation and serious violation of boundaries. I bet it would be considered sexually inappropriate but not necessarily sexually abusive. I wouln't bother reporting this to Children's Services unless you find out the law in your state defines this kind of spanking as illegal/abusive.
In my state spanking on bottom with hand without leaving marks is not considered abuse, but you do also have the right to your say. Do you and your ex have a mediator? When my son was 2 I found out my ex was spanking him. No, there weren't any marks, but when I brought the issue up with our custody mediator, the mediator agreed that just because it isn't illegal didn't mean either of us should be spanking our children. So our court order/parenting plan says that no form of corporal punishment will be used by either of us on our children.
Good luck, and keep us posted.