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Stay or leave
| Wed, 08-02-2006 - 7:09am |
Hi. I have posted before but now wondering: Should you stay together for the kids. I have been married 14 years and have a 4 and 8 year old. My H is verbal abusive and it has turned physical once in front of the kids (I know I should of left then – but missed that boat). He has been working on his behavior and it has improved greatly. However, due to past blow-ups my love for him is gone, there is no physical attraction, no emotional connection – I don’t like being around him. He is a good father and the kids love him. He has admitted he has anger management problems but is really trying to work on them (self-help, no counselors). Due to past experience I keep thinking that this is just the “honeymoon” phase and he will revert back to his old self at anytime. I am financial fit and can support myself and the kids. So back to the main question should you stay together for the kids or leave in search of happiness? Thanks in advance for your responses.

I know that this is one of the hardest things to decide and it may take years of pondering. I can only tell you what happened in my situation. The abuse that occured in my marriage was minor but most of the incidents occured in front of our son. The first physical incident happened when our son was a few months old, in fact, I was holding our son when my husband grabbed me, shook me and started yelling at me. A few other things happened during that same time and I was planning to leave, but I got caught.It took me a long time to realize this was even abuse. While there were still problems things did not get physical again until 3 years later. Again it happened in front of our son. Both times I asked my husband to go to counseling. Of course my husband stated to our counselor that he did not need to change. I started to see some of the things my husband was doing to me he started to do to our son. One time he told our son he would spank him if he didn't give him a hug. I finally did file for divorce. I did it more for the sake of our son than for my own personal safety or happiness.
I have been divorced for 2 months now. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday I have doubts. Everyday I wish we could be a family again. I realize though that even though it was my choice to divorce, it was not my choice to be abused and I refused to let my son be abused too. You may feel like what is happened does not effect them but it will, maybe not now, but it will. My son is doing great.While I expect there to be struggles in the future when he understands more, I know this was what I had to do.
Obviously, you have been giving this some serious thought. I can't tell you to stay or go and for what reasons but I hope my situation will give you more to think about in order to make the decision that is right for you and your children.