STBX got reprimanded by his atty i think

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
STBX got reprimanded by his atty i think
1
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 11:07pm

We have actually had some decent exchanges & pick-up drops-off for visitation the past week. Of course, he likely conveniently forgot all the trauma he caused the past weeks which led me to sending my atty & the GAL the letter about his "disparaging remarks about me in front of & to our daughter". So, my phone rings tonite & he is LIVID. Screaming at me "WTF!?! We takes 2 steps forward & 1 step back! What is this LETTER from yoru attorney!?! This is war, once again! You can NEVER be happy until you ruin my life, can you?" he began screaming so i hung up & turned my phone off.


I knew he was at a meeting later, & i HAD to get this out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 11:51pm

Your best bet now is to forgive and let it go. Let some time pass before you talk with him again. Perhaps he did get reprimanded by his attorney, and it is awful what he is saying in front of Avery, and little girls shouldn't hear it. But right now you're still being affected by your STBX, and because he's on your mind so much he kinda is in control of your mind and if you forgive him and let it all go, good things will happen and your focus will shift. All that negative stuff will just vanish. If you don't feed it, it will go away.

It took me... hmmm lessee... I was married for 8 years, technically 9 because we aren't actually divorced yet, we seperated (my choice) on September 6, 2004. Mid-July I finally forgave and let go. Of this year. That's 10 months. Everyone is different. I know. And I think that your STBX was a little more physical than mine was, then again maybe yours wasn't sexually abusive. I think both of ours were emotionally, financially and mentally abusive. Mind you I'm not calling STBX an abuser - I'm saying his behavior was abusive in my opinion and in my findings.

And my STBX is not exercising his visitation and refuses to see his children when he's angry, and he's going to be angry for most of August, and his reason is because he doesn't want to be in a bad mood around them. It doesn't bother me to have my kids full-time. Granted they go to daycare, and school starts next week. I figure it's STBX's life - he can do with it what he wishes. We don't talk much, if at all now, and it's based on the children when we do. Sure we have conversations every once in a while that aren't about the kids, however I do not call him to shoot the breeze. I am learning to respect him. I am learning to do things for me first, and my kids first. I can't control what he does. I can only control what I do and how I react to what he does.

I hope I've made sense. As long as he's in Reality I (the he being your STBX) and you're in Reality II, as long as he is in search of Power Over and not Personal Power, he's never going to take ANYTHING you say as something supportive or helpful. You are forever the enemy. It's a lost cause.

You're in my thoughts. Have a good weekend. :)

Me