Stealing my mail?!?!?!?!
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| Sat, 08-12-2006 - 9:07am |
Hi All .its me again ...My STBX got a hold of my last computer , so I finally was able to get a new one ....
anyhow ..I got a phone call a few weeks ago from my phone company telling me I had a past due balance ,and I told them I had never gotten a bill , please send me another one , and as of yesterday I still hadnt recieved it ....
for weeks my STBX has been asking me about phone numbers "I saw this number in one of your notebooks a long time ago,just wondering whos number it is " things like that ....well I looked through all of my papers and notebooks etc ,trying to find out what he was talking about ..never found anything ...
then yesterday ,when he came by to see the kids ...he let it slip ....and I finally got him to admit that he had been stealing my phone bills right out of my mailbox .
What can I do about this ? should I just let it go ? This is very disturbing to me .
He has a point ...HIS money pays the phone bill ....BUT to steal it out of the mailbox ,then lie to me about it ? Kinda scary.
Love

What should you do about him stealing your mail? You're kidding right? That is a Federal offense my dear. Why are you protecting this loser?
Ok, you're not going to kick him out of your life, that is obvious. So, as far as your mail...get a post office box...and do it today! That will end that problem.
Now, as far as the rest of your problems with him....they will continue, and they will get worse. The only way to improve your situation is to remove him completely from your life. But, we both know you won't do that.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this...but the choice is up to you.
Federal offense or not , I cant prove it ....its my word against his ,which always seems to be the case ....I dont know if it would be worth it , to tell the authorities ,and then piss him off,and not get anywhere bc I cant prove anything ,then I am left to deal with the aftermath.
The only way to get him out of my life completley is to just move away ,change my name ,etc.or so it seems.
I call the cops ,they tell me all I can do is file charges for phone harrassment .which ,like I said would jst make him mad .They say I need evidence of physical violence to get a protective order .
True , I DONT have to be stuck here ...in this situation ...but if I dont answer his calls,etc.then things just get so much worse ,I am so worn down .I know I am wrong .
I talked to the cops and told them that he had threatened to do things like put drugs in my car ,etc,if I make him mad , and try to "hurt him" (his words).they told me not to worry about it , but I KNOW that he will try to take my kids,if thats all he has left to manipulate me with .ans I do believe that he could get them taken away ,not bc I do anything wrong ,bc I dont ,but all the lies he could make up ,he could do it .
Bottom line ,the reason I put up with all his BS ,is bc if I dont put up with THIS BS ....the BS gets worse ,and worse , and worse .and I would rather deal with a little BS that alot ....
I dont feel sorry for myself ,and am not whining ,I take full responsibility for everything that is going on , and has gone on with him .I condone it , I let it happen ,and its my fault .
maybe sooner or later I can get the strength I need ,I am working on it .but its hard to say ,"this BS is not enough , I want more BS !!!!"bc thats the way it works.
Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c
I agree with Misty, you need to take control and get this loser out of your life. You don't have to move away, and this isn't just the way it has to be.
She suggested that you get a post office box....you didn't even comment about that...do you really want him out of your life? Or are you emotionally addicted to him?
DON'T answer his phone calls!
There are ways to keep this jerk away from you....just ignore him, don't start up with him, don't talk to him (in person or on the phone)....and this is not a LITTLE BS....it's a big deal or you wouldn't be out here asking for advice.
No one in their right mind is going to tell you to put up with it to avoid him causing more trouble.
There is MUCH more to this situation that you are sharing with us.
You must be strong.
A P.O. box is a great idea , and I will surely go and do that on Monday .(and as I wrote that ,I was thinking "and just hope that he never finds out about it ,bc then all hell will break loose )
I do want him out of my personal life ....but the thing that makes me so mad is that ,when he is "nice " its like we have the greatest relationship ,as far as having fun , and laughing together ..which makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me ...
If he left the country tomorrow , I wouldnt shed a tear ,I would be thrilled that he was gone ,I do not love him ,but I DO care about him ,and that is the bad part.He is the only thing I have known for 11 years ,and although I would be fine without him , I still feel a little lost sometimes bc that life is what is so familiar to me .
sometimes I remember things like Christmas morning with the kids , and him there ,and him mowing the lawn on a saturday afternoon , and then I would bring lemonade and we would sit in the swing and talk for hours while the kids played in the swiming pool.he was so great sometimes .But I realize that its not him that I miss ..its my "happy family "The happy life that I was "trying " to have with him .I guess that is whta I am having trouble letting go of .
I do not want to be alone , I want a life ,a family ...
so to answer your question ...I dont think I am emotionally addicted to HIM,but more the past ,and the life I had .Its hard to be alone .Thats why when he is being good to me ,whether for a week or a few hours ,I give in and answer the phone .I know I have to stop.
Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c
Turn his vile backside in to the post office and get yourself a PO BOX and you be the only person able to get your mail. What he did was stealing and a federal offense.
Sam
I want you to carefully re-read your postings....especially this last one, and think very long and hard about what you are saying.
"I do want him out of my personal life ....but the thing that makes me so mad is that ,when he is "nice " its like we have the greatest relationship ,as far as having fun , and laughing together ..which makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me ..."
Yes, you are correct...there is something in you that needs to be worked on, you need to find out why you think so little of yourself to allow yourself to be a victim.
"If he left the country tomorrow , I wouldnt shed a tear ,I would be thrilled that he was gone ,I do not love him ,but I DO care about him ,and that is the bad part.He is the only thing I have known for 11 years ,and although I would be fine without him , I still feel a little lost sometimes bc that life is what is so familiar to me ."
A counselor will assist you in uncovering the 'familiar' facets of your upbringing that were emotionally unhealthy. Yes, it is true that abused children are comfortable in what they are used to...as devastating as it was.
"I do not want to be alone , I want a life ,a family ..."
You have every right to have a life and a family...however, it needs to be a healthy and nurturing environment, not one that is destructive/dysfuntional and filled with toxic waste - and with him, it will be no other way.
You said that you know you "have to stop", you have the key, now you need a professional to show you how to use that key to open the door and gain the courage/confidence/strength to go through the door and begin a healthy life. It can be done, but you must take the steps necessary to make it become a reality.
He has you brainwashed into truly believing he is the answer, that you cannot survive without him. And it is working, otherwise you would not be living in emotional fantasyland/pretendland. He has you believing that you only deserve the crumbs instead of the whole loaf. He is a coward and a bully. He has his own set of emotional trauma that was inflicted on him as he was growing up, and he is attempting to make you the victim for his pain and suffering...."misery loves company".
You cannot save him, you can only save yourself and your children. Did you see Poltergist? He is wanting to pull you into the vortex with him. Don't let him!