Stockholm Syndrome
Find a Conversation
Stockholm Syndrome
| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 6:49pm |
Hi all,
Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? I found a great website written by a clinical psychologist. It is www.drjoecarver.com. Under "articles" there is an article about Stock- holm Syndrome. It tells the reasons why we may stay attached to the abuser even though they treat us bad. It is very interesting. I had a hard time understanding this before. I didn't know why I stilll felt sorry for him and didn't want to get the order. After reading it I felt better because I know that I am not the only one who does this. However, I still want to wait before I get an order. Things have been ok for 5 days, I haven't heard from him. I just talked to my Mom though and she has changed her mind again. She is going to press charges for the harassing phone calls he made to her. I told her I wouldn't go to court with her and she said that my sister would. I think that everyone deserves a chance and she should at least wait through the weekend. I don't think it is right to make someone possibly end up in jail, lose his license and his job and then his house. What he did was not right, but I do think that he is that way because of the way he was brought up. (All this is talked about on that web site.) On the web site there is a good section about "losers" (who is the abuser), and also a good one about how the brain works. Let me know what you think of all this. Did you ever feel this way? I didn't cry all day today until my Mom told me she would press charges. It changed my day around.
Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? I found a great website written by a clinical psychologist. It is www.drjoecarver.com. Under "articles" there is an article about Stock- holm Syndrome. It tells the reasons why we may stay attached to the abuser even though they treat us bad. It is very interesting. I had a hard time understanding this before. I didn't know why I stilll felt sorry for him and didn't want to get the order. After reading it I felt better because I know that I am not the only one who does this. However, I still want to wait before I get an order. Things have been ok for 5 days, I haven't heard from him. I just talked to my Mom though and she has changed her mind again. She is going to press charges for the harassing phone calls he made to her. I told her I wouldn't go to court with her and she said that my sister would. I think that everyone deserves a chance and she should at least wait through the weekend. I don't think it is right to make someone possibly end up in jail, lose his license and his job and then his house. What he did was not right, but I do think that he is that way because of the way he was brought up. (All this is talked about on that web site.) On the web site there is a good section about "losers" (who is the abuser), and also a good one about how the brain works. Let me know what you think of all this. Did you ever feel this way? I didn't cry all day today until my Mom told me she would press charges. It changed my day around.

I agree that everyone deserves a chance. And, I also believe that your SO lost his (chance) when he chose to make harassing phone calls to your mother.
You see, if he winds up in jail, has the other negative consequences, it will NOT be because of anything you, your mother or anyone else did. It will be because of the consequences of his actions. He chose to harass; I am operating under the assumption here that neither your mother nor anyone else drove to his house, put a gun to his head, and forced him to make these phone calls. If not, then he is the one who CHOSE to engage in illegal behavior, and he has brought the consequences on himself.
As adults, we are all responsible for the consequences of our actions, and we must take those consequences as they come. Legal action is the consequence of engaging in illegal activity, pure and simple. Abusers think that they shouldn't have to take these consequences; it is a very common attitude for them to think that someone "made" them go to jail, beat their wives, whatever, but in fact they CHOSE to do that. Nobody made them.
I can't tell you whether or not to wait to get the order; that is a choice only you can make. However, I can tell you that he is almost certainly going to continue to engage in abusive behavior, and no amount of chances are going to help him. Giving repeated second chances isn't helping someone, it's enabling them to continue in unhealthy behaviors. This is not a workable state of affairs, and will blow up in someone's face eventually. Don't let that face be yours.
I just read your original post & i have more to say - he is a loser. He is an alcoholic. & he is abusive.
IF you want to live a life of hell, uncertainty, joblessness, danger, tears .... go back to him.
If you want to live a life like you deserve, without his ruining it for you ..... RUN.