Stop the cycle

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Stop the cycle
2
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 12:46am

Maybe someone out there can help me to understand why I have remained in this vicious cyle of abuse. I was able to physically leave my emotional abusive husband 4 years ago, I was able to re-establish a beautiful home and home life for my 2 children, I was able to gain a promotion on my job, I am able to support myself and 2 children. Yet, I have not been able to sever the ties from my husband. We have continued to engage in a bizarre long distance relationship this 4 year period. We reside in separate counties within the same state. I continue to allow myself to go through his cyclical episodes of verbal outburts, verbal, and emotional abuse. I continue to put myself through the agonizing state of depression when he discontinues commuicating with me for weeks on end. It is a constant emotional roller coaster ride. I'm left wondering..is this the final straw for him? Will he ever call back?

This is absolutely the worst emotional torment for me. I refuse to call him but the cycle typically results in him eventually calling me. How can I finally say that enough is enough? Each time that I allow myself to go through this merciless torment, there is a continual erosion of my mental well being. I am ashamed and angered at myself that I have been unable or unwilling to end this relationship for the sake of my children or myself. Please share your thoughts and advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 9:13am

Hello jestlene and welcome...


First of all dont be angry or ashamed at yourself for this.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 1:04pm

I agree with what wishful said.

Don't beat yourself up over this. And DO NOT be ashamed. I can't even count the number of times that I took my abuser back.
I was with my abuser for 12 years, and have been free of him for over 7. :)

When the time is right, you will know it. You'll reach a point in your life, where something in you will just snap. *That's the only way that I can describe it* And you'll NO longer want to be "hurt" by him.

Seek counseling through a domestic abuse program. They can help you. I sought help and counseling from our local domestic abuse project. They were extremely helpful.
Not to mention my best friend was ridding herself of her abusive husband at the time.

Post here as much as you'd like. Seek out other women who are being abused, or have been there.

Hugs,

Lori
Mom to Jennifer, Kristina, Ryan, Marissa, Caitlyn, and Isabel