Strange phone call
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| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 10:00pm |
Got a phone call tonight from the witnesses at our wedding ceremony. We were married in their back yard actually, by their pond under their white wooden archway. I thought I could handle the phone call, just offering H's new cell # he called me w/ for the 1st time as I was filing for a R/O, and again in family court.
Now, the freind that DD stayed w/ last night, her father is cousins w/ one of the witnesses, so I assumed they heard the news from her and passed it along, hence the phone call. No, DD did not discuss it, I'm not surprised. She knew she could discuss it, I'm not a secretive person. I've not heard a word from this friend since September when she stopped in quickly to catch up. Nothing over Christmas, as a witness not even a call for our anniversary. All of a sudden this call! That would be fine, if she weren't asking how H was, I said he wasn't here. She asked how we were doing, alright. I told her I could give her the cell #. A few more questions and I decided, why am I keeping my mouth shut? I told her we were splitting up, she said that 6 kids needed a father, how bad she felt for the kids, was there anything that her and her H could do. I told her this has been coming to an end for awhile, it was for the best. She asked if it was a cooling off period, I said no, it's over.
Before seeing her in Sept, it had been almost 2 years. But tonight, the night before we go to court together, she calls. Crazy because, I was ready to walk out the door w/ nothing when she last stopped in, had mentioned to H that her coming here by chance made me rethink things, like it was a sign.
So, am I freaking paranoid, or would you wonder the same? C, where the heck are you? You said someday if we asked you'd tell us how you came to be paranoid. Fill me in! I am one of those people that will follow signs, if they feel right. The phone call feels like a set up. H can have no 3rd party contact, so of course she couldn't say she talked to him. Am I looney, or seeing this for what it really is?
Carrie

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Hey Beth,
I'm so glad to hear from you right now! I went to my cousins today, one that has seen him physically hold me down on the stairs by my hair way back, and I'm SO frustrated! This is the DD of the Aunt that is helping w/ the temp visitation of the kids. What the heck? Do these freaking people really believe that after 32 years of knowing me, and saying what a wonderful mother I am, do they really think for a second that I have decided to divorce over trivial things? Oh great, he cries, he must be sorry! I want to scream at them! I want to yell at the top of my lungs about all the times I cried for me and the kids, and all the times I worried if my kids would be treated and treat people the same! I feel so betrayed, because he has filed for custody of our kids, I know it's to hurt and worry me. Why do they acknowledge him, and his feelings? He filed, he wants to take these kids from me, he wants child support when I make $70/week. How can they not think he's a jerk? I couldn't even see these family memebers often cause he layed such a guilt trip on me, got mad when I tried to have a girls night w/ them and asked who in the heck I was to invite people to his house! That's part of what I wanted back was all of my relationships that I lost, and now they feel sorry for him.
Maybe I should've just taken the kids and gone to the darn safe house. The lady down the road spreads rumors that he was here on New Years, but it wasn't him, it was a relative. What I needed in the end was some dignity and self-respect back, and I don't know now. I need some freaking support and I really hoped that my family would be a source of that. I feel alone. Itried calling the DV advocate, they're on until 5pm, and it's the weekend, not an emergency. DD caught me in here crying and I think she gets disappointed in me, but it's been awhile and I'm just so hurt! I really needed to let it out. I can't believe I'm a SAHM and have to fight for my kids. I can't believe that I stayed home to support him through school and work cause he wanted it that way and now I have to prove myself as a competent mother. I babysit 3 days a week, pick up 13 year old from practice every season but one, drive oldest DD to and from work a couple of days a week, on top of friends and social outings for 5 of 6. I take our youngest to and from preschool the 2 days I'm not sitting. I'll be made out to be the crappiest mother ever by his lawyer. Cause he has the money and will drag it out.
Guess what, he'll be in for quite the fight! No one messes w/ my family! I've seen us all pull together, and I've seen that we can do it on our own. I've seen that my kids do respect me w/o him here. I've seen we all laugh and joke more w/ his tension gone. I just can't back down, it's worth the fight, my family is worth keeping together!
I'll never get it, the sick freaking mind that tries to destroy realtionships and love, it will never make sense. I'm so grateful for that! I just want to know my kids and be close to them. Speaking of which, I promised a trip in the hot tub. Better get to that. No school tomorrow, they can stay up till 9pm.
Thanks to whoever made it through, I'm stuggling now.
Carrie
Hi Carrie,
I'm so glad I logged back on! So sorry about your relatives.....I think the abusers are such good manipulators that people "go" for it-my last ex convinced people of all kinds of crazy things..and they believed her!!!! One was a friend I had know for 16 years!!!! I was devastated. Try and let it go-surround yourself with people who care AND understand!
The court stuff? I think that judges see these kind of cases so much they probably want to vomit...i.e. the husband who wants custody to mess with the wife. These guys don't do crap but want to put up a fight to keep up the abuse. Money does not necessarily sway anyone-after all you helped maintain the family while he pursued school. I'd think you're entitled to child support and alimony!
He doesn't even want the kids-he wants to frighten you. You're doing great-this is a bump in the road-keep putting one foot in front of the other......it's a game Carrie, and it's so destructive...I too don't understand why these people wish to harm....keep getting support and post your messages...
Beth
I am sending you a BIG HUG!!!!! I want you to know that I think your great, and yes FIGHT for your family, feels good when your laughing and joking with the kids and you feel how relaxed and good they feel, They love YOU! When they can talk freely, and act silly, that means the world to them even if they don't tell you, you can feel it. I have that here, and I LOVE IT. We were just doing cha-cha slide dance, lol. I know I'll never be a singer, :)
Carrie, don't give up girl, you hear!
Lisa
:)
Thanks Beth, I know I have to do this for the kids, for all of us. 2 phone calls from an unknown # at 1:06 and 1:07 this morning. I called it, cause it's not H's and a woman was in the background. She claimed to be sleeping at that time and i just asked to make sure what was said on the voicemail didn't happen again as I had kids and worried that they would answer my phone and hear it. She agreed but denied making the call. I know it was a verizon #, cause the 1st 3 digits. Now I'm on edge about that, what would you think, last message said "You suck"
Gotta go, DD's last travel b-ball tournament is today! They won this morning and have 2 more games. Also had modified try outs today. Practice starts Monday. She's all athelete, I love watching her play!
Be back soon, I'm all alone today.
Carrie
are the messages on Ameritech vm? if on machine record it with time/date stamp on one of those little recorders...and keep written log-I was stalked in my last relationship-so I do know something about that....keep all evidence, log it and save it . if phone harrassment continues call the phone company...Just watch and wait and see if it happens again. Does he have a new "relationship"? where he could possibly get someone to call you? Whatever....stay safe and document. My last experience was something else-I got protection orders and she broke the law about stalking so I went to court for that . and she had just completed law school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope the b-ball tournament is fun!!
Beth
Thanks Beth, don't know about the VM, I had blocked the #, but undid it. If someone wants to harrass me than I'll document it and press charges. If it comes up again I'll let it go to VM. Don't know if he has anyone, don't care. I can't believe what some of these people will do! I'm going to screen all my calls, home phone and cell.
B-ball was good! They lost both games. I left at halftime to pick up my other DD from work, and the game was really close, but than they lost it. Now for modified!
Carrie
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