stressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
stressed
3
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 10:56am

I havent posted in a while but I really need a reality check right now. I left my H the week after christmas and moved into an apartment with my two DD. Things with the h have been much better than I had expected. He has been helpfull and kind, but I know that it is only a surface change. There is no concrete change there. My daughters and I have been doing fine but I find us spending too much time with H under the guise of "getting along" for the kids. I know everyone here says no contact is the best way but I didnt head the warnings. We eat out often and I do laundry at his apartment. My oldest DD and I had the flu last week and H was right there taking care of us, which was nice but now I am getting the "you owe me" treatment. He also has been telling everyone that he is paying my bills. This really ticks me off. I guess more than anything. I paid my rent and light bill this month, but to hear him tell it he paid it. He gave me $80 a couple of days before I paid my rent and somehow thats him paying my rent. No, that money went to feed your children and put gas in my car to drive them to school and to ball games. My biggest issue now is my light bill balance is over $600. My first months bill at the aprtment was $170, this months is $150. I can pay this no problem , what I cant pay is the $400 bill that is due for the last month that HE lived in our old house! He doesnt seem to think that he should have to pay this for some reason. It of course falls to me because the lights were in my name. Everytime I bring it up he says He cant continue to pay my bills, hello? this is your bill mister! We get our income tax refund back tmrw and I am going to use part of it to pay off the light bill but that will of course come out of my half of the refund. I think with the remainder I will be getting some paperwork filed to get Child support payments started then I can get the money i need to care for the children and he cant call it paying my bills!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: swtbabyray
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 11:27am

Rather than use your tax refund money for a lawyer, have you even tried to get a pro bono lawyer from the courts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: swtbabyray
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:10pm

Hi;

I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. I like fissatores's advice but being proactive and moving forward is one thing and makes total sense but your feelings and emotional well-being need to be validated. I think you are in counseling right and may I suggest some sort of womens group or sep. and divorced group. You need tons of support right now to help you with your pent up feelings..

In saying this I have been where you are and right now I am at a low place right now. I left my abusive ex on and off 6 years ago and I survived without him. These were very tough times for me and not easy.. Fast forward to now and with no job and my family has sort of turned on me in

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: swtbabyray
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:17pm

I fully agree with fissatore's post. I think the hardest part of the process is feeling the hurt that your kids feel, and so trying to make it as smooth as possible for them. When I had left few years back, I was in same situation. He would plan a trip on a Saturday..my DD would be like..mommy please come along. And so it was like we could never really separate. He was very much in the picture..I think it is hard to cut off the apron strings. But i think that is what is needed. You need to file legal papers and get it done formally. He could still help out if your child is sick or need to be picked up. But those are here and then stuff. You are in the transition phase so it is understandable that you are still sort of overlapping each other. But sooner you get formally separated, the better for everyone. I just could not and ended up going back..And..the same issues resurfaced. So stay strong and do this legally. Friend of mine who is divorced..they have the kids every other week. But she talks to them every day and if he or she is travelling, the other party is responsible. Some folks do a primary physical in 1 home and every other weekend and 1 night in the other parents home. Hope everything works out. Good luck