Stuck in a cycle
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|Thu, 04-05-2012 - 10:51am|
I have been growing stronger by the day.
I see things differently. I see the cycle I am in. I see how toxic and bad things are. I look over my journal, reading over the many many pages of abusive, controlling and/or manipulative incidents. I can see the times where I become strong and then eventually I am worn down.
When its not happening, I see it clearly. I try to prepare myself. I try to develop a plan on what I will do/say the next time. But every time, once it begins, I go blank. I get sucked back into the cycle. I dont do the self respecting thing. I give into the enormous pressure and just take all the blame. I know cycles are hard to stop, but does anyone have any tips? I just cant seem to do what I should in the moment. Sometimes I think its because its easier to give in and avoid the drama, avoid any intense altercations. Sometimes I think its because Ive gotten sucked into the cycle so deep that I cant get out.