Teen age abuse
Find a Conversation
Teen age abuse
| Wed, 02-09-2005 - 8:34am |
Has any one here been abused buy a
boy friend or had a teen age kid abused buy a boyfriend I need help bad right now
buy 16 year old boy friend has been abusing her he hit her 2 times and has been controlling her she did brake up with him a little over a week ago they have been see each other for about 6 months now anyway she still keep talking to him on the phone said she needed to help him as she told him he had to get help to get back together but his mom will not let him .he has in his mined they was still together I told her that she needed to stop talking to him as he will never get the ideal of what he did if she is still acting like his girl friend .and I have her going to turning point (the places for abused women in our area)and told her I would not make her brake up with him but she cloud only see him here and at school .as hubby and me have done nothing but fight about this to the point of we are ready to end our relation ship he wants me to let her work it out and I want to make her end it.(how can I let her date a guy like this)anyway last night he called
(there is a school for the arts here she wants to go she wants to be a singer all ways has and is very good at it.)he asked if he cloud what for her in her signing class after school
and then have her come to his house to hang out with him she has told me he has tried to make her have sex with him but his mom stopped him I told him I wanted them to hang out here at our house then he started tell me he told her she cloud not go to the new school in less he gets in their (he is not in to any thing to do with art) to get in the school you have to do a lot of work then he tried to tell me why I should not let her go their this is her dream (how can I give him a chance to take her dream away)then he told me how his mom told him I told her that she was sleeping with other guys (I did talk to her about what he did to her as I thought she needed to know ) but I never did or would even if she had been tell his mom or him something like this. his mom has put stuff in his head about her and other boys (watch is why I think he is hitting her and being controlling because his mom just keeps pushing him)why any mom would want to heart her kid like this is beyond me. anyway after talking to him I just didn’t fell right letting them see each other for both of them maybe if he isn’t with her his mom will leave him alone and if the stay tighter he is going to heart my kid bad my and hubby got in a big fight he said he is leavening Friday if I don’t let her go back with him. What would you do I tried letting her handle it but when she took him back I was even willing to let him come over here but when he got made about her going to the new school and his mom was all ready putting his head I just don’t fell right acting like I am ok with it they are only 16 I know she doesn’t really love him and she will fined some one other than him I just fell strongly
about it being best on both of them to end it now what would you do I love my hubby but
I lover my kid and have to do what is best for her would you be able to stay out of it
I think she may be whating us to make her end it so she doesn’t have to be the bad guy to him.
Help
boy friend or had a teen age kid abused buy a boyfriend I need help bad right now
buy 16 year old boy friend has been abusing her he hit her 2 times and has been controlling her she did brake up with him a little over a week ago they have been see each other for about 6 months now anyway she still keep talking to him on the phone said she needed to help him as she told him he had to get help to get back together but his mom will not let him .he has in his mined they was still together I told her that she needed to stop talking to him as he will never get the ideal of what he did if she is still acting like his girl friend .and I have her going to turning point (the places for abused women in our area)and told her I would not make her brake up with him but she cloud only see him here and at school .as hubby and me have done nothing but fight about this to the point of we are ready to end our relation ship he wants me to let her work it out and I want to make her end it.(how can I let her date a guy like this)anyway last night he called
(there is a school for the arts here she wants to go she wants to be a singer all ways has and is very good at it.)he asked if he cloud what for her in her signing class after school
and then have her come to his house to hang out with him she has told me he has tried to make her have sex with him but his mom stopped him I told him I wanted them to hang out here at our house then he started tell me he told her she cloud not go to the new school in less he gets in their (he is not in to any thing to do with art) to get in the school you have to do a lot of work then he tried to tell me why I should not let her go their this is her dream (how can I give him a chance to take her dream away)then he told me how his mom told him I told her that she was sleeping with other guys (I did talk to her about what he did to her as I thought she needed to know ) but I never did or would even if she had been tell his mom or him something like this. his mom has put stuff in his head about her and other boys (watch is why I think he is hitting her and being controlling because his mom just keeps pushing him)why any mom would want to heart her kid like this is beyond me. anyway after talking to him I just didn’t fell right letting them see each other for both of them maybe if he isn’t with her his mom will leave him alone and if the stay tighter he is going to heart my kid bad my and hubby got in a big fight he said he is leavening Friday if I don’t let her go back with him. What would you do I tried letting her handle it but when she took him back I was even willing to let him come over here but when he got made about her going to the new school and his mom was all ready putting his head I just don’t fell right acting like I am ok with it they are only 16 I know she doesn’t really love him and she will fined some one other than him I just fell strongly
about it being best on both of them to end it now what would you do I love my hubby but
I lover my kid and have to do what is best for her would you be able to stay out of it
I think she may be whating us to make her end it so she doesn’t have to be the bad guy to him.
Help

do u think i am worgn for puting a stop to her seeing him and talking to him on the phone i know they may see each other at school but she is not one to go any where after school
she has alway been a home person so if she starts whating to go out i know something is worgn.i did try to give her time to stay a way from him but she chose to take him back i feel if she will not or can not do the right thing on her own i should put a stop to it as her mom.what if like hubby wants i let her work it out and he gets her to fell she has to saty with him.i don't think hubby is seeing how bad this is if she was just haveing teen age truble with her BF i would stay out of it but hubby thinks she is so strong that she will not let a guy trate her bad well she has and that doesn't make me think any less of her.
i just fell like i have to tell her no more he thinks if i stope her she will go fine some one even meaner to upset me i think if i don't she will
if it was your kid what would you do let her see him or end it?
also does any one know where i can fined info for moms and dads on teen abuse i fine alot of stuff for teens them selfs but nothing for moms thank u
Hi Jenny -
First off, you are her mother.
CL-Blueliner4
Thanks
Hubby use to be well not abusive but a real jerk when we was younger
He use to act like women was lower life he was rased by his dad his mom was very abusive to him we was more show vatic than any thing but I think he is like a lot of men that thank well she must have pushed him to do this or if it was bad she would just leave
So I don’t think he under sainted just how bad it is.
He much more under sanding of women now that we have been to gather so long and we have 2 girls he said if it was that bad she would end it he doesn’t under santed she may not fell she can and it is up to us to do it for her .he said we had to let her maker her own chouses I asked well if she was wanting to got out and get drunk or do drugs do we just let her make her own chouses.
She is going to turning point for counseling all they do is HANDLE DV VICTIMS
She was very happy at first about going to counseling but now she has been talking to him she doesn’t want to go I told her at this point she must because I will not let her keep even talking to him with out going.
Thank you
I know she's a child in the eyes of the law, but I'm unsure as to how effective forcing her to do things is. She may see your actions as indistinguisable from her abuser's. I'm not suggesting you are abusing her -please don't think that- but she may see it as one more person making decisions for her.
It's a difficult situation, and it must be dreadful for you all. Are you receiving any support for yourself?
Having been in an abusive relationship at 16, from my own perspective, the worst feelings were:
* fear of not being believed/ taken seriously (usually because of age.)
* uncertainity of what's going to happen.
* Will he leave me alone if we split up.
* I don't want the relationship to end, I just want the abuse to stop.
* I have no space to make my own decisions.
* I need the unconditional support of my family
* I need to be able to share all my feelings with someone who understands.
* I need to feel safe.
You mentioned that your husband has been a 'jerk'?, but you do not identify him as an abuser. has your daughter ever witnessed any episodes of him being a 'jerk?'
Take care
camel
Has been thow it at her age very help full. She has never seen him being a jerk
That was when we was kids she was not born yet he was never really mean to me he just use to think women can not do things like men. She has seen us get in to little fights like everyone has never any thing big I think this is the biggest fight we have ever had and we do it when she is sleeping or at school. But I feel so strongly about him handling it the way he is like it no big deal and maybe she is making more of it than it is or did something to make her BF upset
He is the man in her life and if he acts like it is not ok to let a man do this to her she may never let another man do it but if he acts like this like it ok she will think it ok what he acts like has more inflection on her that any thing I will say or do because he is a guy I think that what makes me so mad at him right now
He is not her real dad but is the only dad she knows I left her real dad when she was 2 month old because he was abive and I didn't what her to think it was ok to be hit or be controlled buy a man or any one and I fell like he is making that all for nothing!
he has not come home from work yet should have been home hours ago and when i called him he acted very mad at me but i am sorry i fel ver storngly that we show her this not ok for her BF to do this
Anyway thank you so much
Hello Ladies
I don’t mean to intrude, but after reading this post I feel I have to give
respond to this post. If your daughter continues to see this guy she will become
submissive to the abuse and feel that she deserves it, even feel sorry for HIM
This is just what this guy wants. Then it only gets worse; she will hide it from you
Lie to you about it, and all the while the abuse will escalate. Counseling is good for her
but will not help the problem, HIM. This abuse is at a physical level all ready, it was
time for her to run long before he hit her the first time. She is a child and you must
protect her at all costs
Here is a Poem
It’s hard to get past the
he said-she said crap,
when you’ve been on both sides,
the abused and the abuser.
The hard part is taking responsibility
for what you have said and done,
at the same time taking it
back at-cha like a kicking post.
The trick is to look back,
and find the thorn
lodged in the heart of the relationship.
Maybe it’s something going on
behind your back, or a simple
misunderstanding.
Maybe (God forbid)
He is just a mean nasty person,
In witch case he should be exiled
from all human life.
If you think it’s going to get better,
you’d better think again, come clean,
only your actions can be the judge.
Get out before the Joker smiles,
and the pine box in witch you lay
becomes your home.
{SANDMAN}
Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but it is really quite tame compared
To feeling trapped and alone, consumed by abuse
People seem to spend a lot of time apologizing for needing help or giving good advice! It's wonderful to get a mans view on the situation.
It's great to talk to our own gender about abuse but sometimes I think it would be helpful to have the opintion of a man who could clue us into the culture of men & why some men do what they do to the women & also children who they profess to love. What gives these men the feeling they have the right to bully women or anyone else for that matter? I'm also sure that there are plenty of abused men out there who could do with our help & support. It's more difficult for men & there is less support around for them given society's attitude towards the role of the man.
It's alarming but intresting to learn about abusive behavior in teenage boys & how a teenage girl is reacting. You would think that nowdays with all the knowledge we have about building a childs self esteem it couldn't happen but, dispite our best efforts as parents, it does. I remember my mother giving me talks about not putting up with crap in a relationship but she didn't go into any detail. I was moved around a lot as a child & teen, I had many self esteem issues & a difficult time fitting in anywhere. I had no sense of belonging or faith in my ability to attract a boy without opening my legs.(Sorry to put it so bluntly) Even if I didn't they still left me & I didn't realize at the time the problem was with them & their own issues of status & entitlement, their lack of confidence in their friends accepting their choise of girlfriend. Short of being hit I'd accept any treatment they threw at me. To this day I have issues about how off hand men are towards me. Although I didn't love my abuser & skipped out of the house without a backward glance I was very badly burned by another man I met soon afterwards. He treated me like crap but I loved him & thought I could change the situation. You would think I'd know better. One thing I did learn was it's hard to fight your emotions in spite of what logic tells you.
Thanks for the post. Poetry usually makes me cringe but I enjoyed yours & also the one posted by 'Creative'.
Love Katie Bear xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The one male regular we have around here is having some health issues at this time, so he isn't able to join us as much as he would like.
CL-Blueliner4