Thank you cl-sweetdreams893!!
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| Sun, 04-25-2004 - 9:05am |
It does get confusing sometimes though because he has stopped doing the things that he did in the early years like coming up from behind me and continually pointing out all the things I was doing wrong. It took years for me to get him to stop doing that or actually, to do it less. But he still does it at times, and even when he doesn't do it the way he used to, there are freqently times when I can see that he is just chomping at the bit to come up and start changing whatever I am doing. It's almost as though I can see the knuckles getting whiter and whiter. He will stare at me and try to act as though he's not, he will keep taking small steps towards me and then take small steps back, as though he is trying to hold himself back from coming towards me to tell me what I am doing wrong.
I can see he really hasn't changed, but old habits die hard. I keep telling myself that because he doesn't do it like he used to that he must have changed but I'm too stubborn to forgive him. But that only lasts a minute as I then realize that there are plenty of other behaviors that have taken that abusive behaviors's place, and I won't go into them here but one of them involves trying to isolate me from my father (who is the only family member who is supportive of me and who recognizes what he does). But it is difficult going back and forth with this emotionally. It's like I recognize the abuse but at the same time I don't want to fully face it. I'm afraid to leave.
It was so inspiring reading your post. My abusive husband is in every line! I am going to copy what you wrote and save it on a floppy, and when I get into my own denial of what he has done to me, I will get it out and read it, over and over if I have to.
Thank you so much!!
Vanda

Hi Vanda…I'm glad that infomation is helpful to you.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou