Thankful discovery

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Thankful discovery
5
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:01am
Hi, I finally found the message board for domestic abuse. I've been posting messages for help on the relationship saver message board and I got very supportive help.
I've been in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend for ten years. I realized that I've been physically and emotionally abused only two weeks ago and I'm planning to leave him.
For ten years I thought I was the problem. But one day the words "destructive relationship" just popped into my head and I looked it up on the Internet when I was alone. I was so surprised and shocked to see how the descriptions were exactly the same as the situation I was in. I am so thankful for discovering the fact that the problem wasn't me. I'm also glad I found out before we were legally married.
I was too ashamed to tell anyone around me about the problems in our relationship. Your message boards are a big help. And soon, I'm going to talk to my parents about it after I leave him. Thank you very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 11:45am

Hi again,

I am glad you came over to this board. Check out the board website in the learn about this community area. It has a large amount of information on leaving safely and healing. It also lists the national domestic violence hotline and they are also a great place to start gathering information.

Keep posting and ask any questions you have. We are all here to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 9:23am
Good for you! & yes! Please confide in your parents, they will be a help b/c you will NEED to surround yourself with those who love & support you. Its not easy to leave an abuser ... sometimes you dont realize how much of a mental hold they have over you. but you CAN do it!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 7:05pm

Welcome, Sooyon.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 9:15am
Thank you all very much for the support. You have been a great help for me. When my boyfriend's not home I'm busy preparing my leave. I have all my important documents, passport etc. placed in one place so it'll be easy for me to pack at the last moment. I'm planning to have my parents pick me up with my luggage and tell the landlord I"m moving out after I leave so he won't notice anything. Is there anything eles I need to prepare? I'm planning to write him a letter instead of telling him in person that I'm leaving him. But I think it would be less provoking if I just said the reason was because we weren't right for each other than saying it was becasue he was abusive. Because when I first mentioned the subject about two weeks ago, he said how dare I say he was an abuser. What do you think? Or should I not mention the reason at all and just tell him it's over? I'm scared of what he might do when he gets mad at me for leaving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 8:16am

He's made it clear that he's not going to hear you speak of abuse.