Things are bad
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| Thu, 04-28-2005 - 8:19am |
Hi friends from over the pond...........things have become much worse......both my daughters are not able to go out because they are depressed and feeling the strain of the situation in the house , and its ongoing effects.
My youngest , 14 , has FINALLY opened up to , and only because she went out with her mates last week and had a bit too much to drink because some stupid 18 yrs old gave her cider.....which ive reported by the way.....she came in at 10pm , was falling over all over the place....started being sick at 10.30pm , at 11pm she started sobbing and crying exsessivley about how she cant cope with whats going on ,(i was crying with her) ,
then being sick , then crying , even going outside to where her beloved cats and hamsters are buried under the oak tree in the garden...sat on the grass at midnight crying for them ,,,,,now when ive spoken to her friends she hadnt actually had that much to drink , so i think it was because she was so upset that she continued to be sick.
Since then she has been very quiet and will not go to school , even though she has exams.
I am in touch with her educational welfare officer and to be honest shes more interested in her going to school that her having some help.
I have contacted my local D.V. unit and im not getting anywhere at all , im beggining to think no-one is bothered.
My eldest daughter has gone back to square one.
Ive spoken to HIM about whas going on and hes admitted that hes not happy and he feels that hes had the stuffing knocked out of him ,hes donest seem bothered about his daughters welfare only saying that no matter whats going on they should be at school and college , hes not acknowledging that hes to blame.
If he went everything ould be ok.
He said hes not leaving as hes got nowhere to go , (ive heard that before).
Hes booked a holiday for us that we dont want to go on , and its coming time to pay the balance on it , the other night the youngest was online and he came storming in saying get off that thing so your mum can pay the holiday.
She was on MSN messenger talking to about 15 mates , and she said that she wanted to say goodbye and not just go off.
He just pulled the plug on her,,,,,,,,,control or what !!!
And then coz she was so upset , my other daughter , 18 , was talking to her till gone past midnight , and he as in his precious bed , he heard them talking downstairs , pushed me out of bed and ordered me to sort them out or " thats it ".
Next day he said nothing about it and acted as though everything was fine........how the **** do you live like that>......

Oh boy.
CL-Blueliner4
Gentle hugs liverbabe. I have to agree with blue, it's definitly time to start looking for a way out. Many times once the dynamics of the abuse are changed by getting away from it or getting it away from all of you, your daughters behaviour and all around self worth and esteem will many times start to rebound.
If you can't find local help, then look for county help. If none, move to national, it is there, you just need to keep looking. Have you tried your local police and ask for a DV officer? Have you tried your hospital as most have DV nurses or counselors who can help you get the resources you need?
Don't let the depression he is laying on all of you tear you down. You have to push through and find the help or it will not get better. It's time dear friend, before you and your children give up any hope and all that will do is make him happy knowing his tactics have worked.
Post more, vent more, just get something to light the fire, give you the spark to start doing what you know you need to do. Get free of him and his abuse. It will get better once you are away from him, this has been proven time and time again.
Don't give up on yourself girl, you have too much to live for! Take it one minute at a time if you need too, one second, but find that strength and start taking the steps.
Huge hugs for you and your girls, you're worth it, it is worth it for them, it is worth it to live a far happier and better life away from him and his ways.
You can do it girl, it is possible and now is the time.
Hugs
Just reading your post brought tears to my eyes. You see, I am a survivor of domestic violence. I was in a really bad relationship for 12 years. I still to this day can't believe I stayed in it that long. But I am free of him. And it feels SOOOO good.
You can do it too. You just have to be ready to do this. If your not sure, then keep venting to people that understand. No one else can do this except for you.
Know what finally made me kick my EX husband out for good? The day that I was planning his murder. YeS! Scarey I know! That's when I looked at myself in the mirror and I said "I'm WORTH MORE then this!" And SO ARE MY KIDS! They were 3, 5, 8, 8, 10 at the time. Yes I had five children then. But I did it. I did for them! I did it for US! Because I knew that we deserved better and so do you and your kids!!!
RE: Your 14 I know how hard it is on teens, but she has got to really got to go to school. If she doesn't go to school. She will have no future. :( And the counselor sounds like they need some education on the domestic violence scenario. Unfortunately, so do ALOT of people. :(
GReat big hugs to you and your children!
Lori, mom to :
Jennifer, 18
Kristina, 15
Ryan, 13 (Given the gift of adoption through a loving Christian couple)
Marissa and Caitlyn, 9
Isabel, 19 months
"How do you live like that?" You DONT.
One thing i can tell you that pushed me over the edge of deciding ITS TIME.
Oh Man, do *I* believe in MINE!
R~