think he is losing it..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
think he is losing it..
8
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:38pm

he has stopped total communication with me and dd. DD stil in house..she flips and shouts at me everytime I say it is not safe for her. She blames me for disrupting everything and 'why I couldn't let things be'. I am scared..to those who know dynamics of abuse, his total seemingly detached..reaction..is that a warning of his psychological state. He has also blocked my calls ..the thing is I'd been thinking maybe he is getting advise from counsel, but he is treating DD exact same way..except she is still in house..someone who has any inkling on this pscyho drama..please reply. Talked to lawyer..unfortunately can't ask him to leave until he actually does something..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 5:27pm

Hi Winter -

Since I'm not completely familiar with your story, I'll comment on just what I see here.

1. Yes, his no communication with you is probably on advice of counsel.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 5:37pm

ok..thanks..yes..dd is a head strong 15 year old. Right now, the danger is mainly psychological abuse on his part, the thing is he does not do anything for her. she still calls me to pick her up.drop her. So I am seeing her but when I ask why can't he do it, she says he wont and he doesnt talk to her. Basicaly he is giving silent treatment to all. I have been trying to get her for counseling..we are mandating that through court though she is resistant and has not lasted after 1 visit. She gets really distressed and I think she shuts off/copes with things by just studying which seems ok in the surface, but internally I am sure there are things going on..and she deals with things by shutting it out. That is bad, correct?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 7:51pm

She'll have to deal with it eventually, but right now she's still in protection mode and is probably pretty scared.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 11:37pm

she comes out crying after even one visit and last time, she screamed at me in car saying i am wasting her time , time that can be spent doing real work. she says she is just not open person. About writing or building a rapport, I had found a good counselor but time didn't match up and noone is available weekends. Anyway, the situation with her hasn't changed except I need to be stronger and say I can't even pick you up/drop you unless you are with me. The problem is she starts having panic attacks and stress and i dont know if I am enabling her by jumping at her every crisis. I try to be strong but it is hard, especially since she still threatens to 'kill herself' if school grades are affected. It has been going in circles. But now with lawyers talking, if he doesn't agree to pay my equity, we will have to put house for sale in summer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2012
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 12:31am

I'm not sure where you live (not important) but you might want to check with local colleges/universities to see if any of the psychology programs operate counseling centers.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 7:25am

This for winter but to lazy this morning to go back so it looks like it is for Maple but its not =)

My guess is his behavior is directed at you.


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:13pm

yes, you are correct, it is a way of controlling and continuing to abuse. I was just wondering if his reaction is precursor to something worse happening. Just taking a day at a time, I have given up on DD's counseling for now..maybe have to start in summer if necessary.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:24pm
there is no way to know for sure what he will do. yes it could lead to more but it may not. abusers are predictable but yet at the same time aren't because they can snap at any time or never snap worse then you have seen.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com