Took Assault To Get Cops To Pay Attentio

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Took Assault To Get Cops To Pay Attentio
21
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 8:10pm
Well, as you all know, I thought it was over and done. however on saturday night he assulted me(split my lip, may have fractured my nose, kicked me in the head and stomach) and has now threatened to kill me and swears he will before he ever goes to jail...so needless to say im terrified he will carry through..i have charged him with assault, uttering threates, property damage and two other charges i cant remember plus a restraining order is being arranged against him but i still feel terrified he will kill me as i would not put it past him!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 12:38am

javlyn e.......

I read your post the other day about it being 'over' and I was really happy you felt that was the case. Tonight I check out the boards and I am horrified to hear that he assaulted you again. I know how terrified you are.....I am terrified for you as I have a very similar kind of abusive man in my life. I am not close to him......I pray he is still right where I left him, 1500 miles away.....but knowing him as I do, he could be outside the door in the morning.

You did not mention if he was in jail, you said you were charging him with assault, etc,but not if they picked him up. He and my old man are terrorists. I have been physically assaulted, knives to my throat, choked, tossed about, punched, kicked, and even shot at once......and it took me 23 years to run away.....but I am still haunted every day and night. It has been many years since he has put his hands on me but he still uses his words to control me. He also has said he would rather kill me and then himself before they put him in jail. I know exactly the terror in your heart and soul.

These days its the flashbacks and resulting trauma from years of that kind of treatment that get me. Dreams of being strangled until I pass out are the worst.....what a way to wake up.

I also had some really great police officers in my former town that were looking out for me and they were so happy to hear that I was leaving and several hugged me and promised to line the streets with patrol cars the day I departed. It was sad that I had to leave the town I had called home for 18 years but it helped in a lot more ways than I ever expected. Mostly because I was not reminded all the time by the sights and faces of the painful memories.Is that an option for you???

Please keep posting, I feel like I know you. I care........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 3:08am
:) thank you so much....never have i heard kinder words sinc ei have been in this situation...and yes im terrified...i put on a brave face for family and friends so they dont know the fear i feel everytime i walk out my door, every night when it begins to get dark, every night when i lock the 3 new locks i have on each door in my home and close all the windows in my home so he cannot get his way in through them...as i have pressed the charges now, they are looking for him and have placed an APB for his vehicle as he may have attemptd to temporarily leave the city or province we live in...one thing u said was amazingly close to my situation, as he has said he would rather kill me and then kill himself than go to jail and i dont doubt him for one minute...he is a very sick sick man and needs help however he will not get it unless they can get him in custody and even then, who knows? as the cop at my door that night said, the sentence will depend on any priors he has and he only has one from when he was 20 years old...as i told my mom today, its not that im afraid to die, its that i dont want to be just another statistic...just another story that parents can use to teach their daughters to stay away from men like him...but there is no "men like him" he seemed normal...sure he had problems but who doesnt? no indictors ever came up in the first 3/4 of our relationship that indicated he had problems...i just dont know what to do or say..i find myself comforting my family and friends more than worrying about myself...anyways i have to end this as i need sleep...still very sore from the assult and am on T3's to dull the constant pain in my body...but thank u for the reply...as i said, never has anyone said something to me in this ordeal that made me realize im not alone...thank you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 10:14am

Good morning J-

I hope you were able to get some rest last night, I know how hard it is when you are afraid.

We haven't spoken of other personal facts about our lives as it can be too revealing but, I am curious about your age and marital status?? Also you say nothing about kids.....do you have any?? I am so glad to hear that you have your family near, I did not......go to them. It is the best thing you can do for yourself. You need them, they are there for you. I also understand worrying about them and what may happen. I never told my family or asked for their help. My sisters and brothers still don't know. I was too ashamed to tell them - still am. I was told that my family would suffer if they got in the way. Now he leaves my family out but threatens to kill any man that comes near me.

I also feel, as many victims do, that keeping the 'wolf' inside the doors is safer than having him out there lurking around someplace. So I speak to him on the phone several times a week and let him speak to our youngest daughter,if she is wanting to. She luckily didn't witness the major physical abuse of years ago but the threats and intimidation are very real to her. I have to get a divorce and put an end to this life for good but my mind is so messed up that I believe that serving him with papers will make things worse.....he says he has changed- hahaha - and he will be here in a month or so to try to win me back......I have tried to gently tell him I need time and space just to get settled here again. I am afraid of his ways not really of his physical abilities anymore. I am also afraid of the rage and anger that comes out of me when I speak to him or of him. I have been to counseling and that helps but haven't started any here yet.

I hope you are able to get the support system around you that is so necessary in these kinds of situations......it took me a LONG time to ask for it but when I did.....they came out of the woodwork and they are everywhere for me. I moved from the southwestern U.S.back to the northwestern U.S. where I spent my high school years and all with the help of some ex-relatives and old high school sweethearts. I have found my safe place.....and I am so happy and content....at least for now.....I must keep moving forward.

Have a good day, keep your head high and stay aware of that 'wolf' - I know it is probably your entire focus all day and night- terrible way to live life sweetie. Keep the faith and don't be like me and wait 23 years....I am here to listen....good luck....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 10:12pm
heres the states: married almost one year(what a waste of a wedding), no kids(thank goodness!)...i told my boss about it today and he is ready to kill him...he actually got security to escort me in an dout of the building each time i went out..lol i felt so special arriving for a meeting with a client with my big bodyguard with me :) one funny part of my day...i went to the doctor today to make sure my injuries were all documented but theycouldnt fit me in so i have to go back tomorrow but they noted in my file i had tried to they dont question why i waited til like, 5 days later to do so...they still have not found him yet and i drove by his bros house where he is staying in my friends car today and he wasnt there either this AM or this PM coming home from work so i have no idea where he could be..hopefully not watching my every move but who knows...i only hope he will give up an dleave me alone..perhaps move away to another province as he wanted to do..tho the province he wants to move to is wher ei want to move too lol oh well what can u do? i refuse to let him rule my life forever...once the divorce goes through and all the orders are in place, im hoping it will all go away, tho i know thats VERY wishful thinking :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 6:42am
I hope they find him soon, I'm thinking about you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 10:11pm
Hi j -

Was just checking in to see how you are......been wondering about you........you ok????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 12:14am
hey girl!
well now he has another charge against him! B & E!!!! he broke into my house(and yes it is considered B&E which is weird but because he hasnt lived with me in over a month its no longer his residence) because i refused to let him in to get a hockey bag full of dirty clothes as i was dropping it at his moms that night anyways...but he called my cell today and left a message that he is turning himself in tomorrow am(there is a warrant out for his arrest) but he will most likely be out by tomorrow afternoon pending trial...but there will be an order restirctin ghim from coming near me, calling me, emailing me, anything...the thing is, i almost felt bad for him because he sounded so sad and down...but then i remembered im the victim here not him....he made these choices and has to live with them...i cant just let him get away with it because i have a soft spot for him..which i do...otherwise this wouldnt have dragged out this long..we might not have even married if i hadnt been such a "i can change him" kind of woman...but anyways other than that im ok...im feeling a lot more happy..i actually went out for drinks last night and tonight and dressed up! i felt attractive and fun for the first time in MONTHS! so maybe this is it...i can only hope so..anyways thanks so much for the concern and ill keep u posted on the situation!!
jacqui
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:56am

hi there.......

So glad to get your message.....was hoping that you were ok since the last post and it sure sounds like you have had a really good few days. I am very happy to hear you even had some carefree time - thats something I don't get much of, but have learned to find time for simple pleasures. I have also had it 'programmed' into my head that I wasn't worthy of much after years of neglect and disrespect.

On the subject of your ex........did you get the restraining order and was it served?? If so, he was in violation of it by calling you......I imagine it hasn't been served as he is still on the run. Don't believe him when he says he is going to turn himself in.....he is trying to show you in some stupid way that he is 'changing' or seeing the error of his ways. You and I both know that is a line of B.S.

I recieved another letter from my old man......he sent me 100 bucks to help me out......I don't know where he gets his figures from but that doesn't go far at all in raising a 13 yr old girl.....lol. He also called yesterday and today. I don't have a restraining order out on him right now but he is 1500 miles away and won't be able to get here without me knowing he left the state. My best friend there lives right up the street from him and keeps a very close eye on him and chats with me on line every day. She will even stop by just to be nosy and keep me informed. When he calls, sometimes I will talk but not everytime. And he gets upset because I won't say what he wants to hear. I can't say I care anymore. That died along with everything else . Now I only feel sorry for him. He had it all.

I don't know if you are familiar at all with country western music.....but I have a song that I like and have listened to for the last 5 years or so.....Rascall Flatts - "I'm Moving On" It came out when I had left my husband and was hurting so bad from his infidelity and years of abusive ways. You should check it out....it gives me great strength when I need it.

Thanks for the update.....hope he isn't lying to you about turning himself in.....but I'm not holding my breath. Men that are abusive are chicken-s#%* and jail scares them. They lose all control over their lives and all their rights. They can't function.

Keep the faith and stay strong......he is still out there and that worries me......he broke into your house........do not let him scare you but don't put yourself in harm's way. I am lucky to be alive - alot of women are not. As you have said before - don't let him make you an example for your family to share with others.....I know how you feel about that....me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:35am
well he called me tonight and let me know he didnt turn himself in...he says its cuz he didnt get a good sleep...what??? so stupid so its better to be a fugitive from the law...and to top it off he went to the lake for our july 1st weekend and so he wont be turning himself in until tuesday or so he claimed in the message...what an idiot..but what do i expect? he put EVERYTHING off when we were together so no surprise i guess...anyways im tired and need sleep but just wanted to leave a little update here
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:17pm

Javlyn, have you contacted the police yet to tell them he contacted you, and where he is?

 

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