Total guilt trip & berakdown ....
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Total guilt trip & berakdown ....
| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 8:05pm |
I dont know why i just let this get to me, its been weeks since i cried at all over this - maybe months. I have felt so free & strong & on a great road to freedom, & one phone message from him & it all crumbles. We have been able to communicate really sanely & well the past couple weeks overall & it is SO much better than this stressful crap.
Tonite STBX (M) has Ave overnite for the 2nd try (1st time she wanted to come home & she did, last Sat, instead of staying overnite.) She was a bit nervous & kept asking me last nite & today, "you will pick me up really early, right?" (i dont think its her DAD per say,


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I agree, that's not much to live on, I know...I do it.
CL-Blueliner4
Hey, stop stressing yourself out. It sounds like you've good ideas for coping with the money situation.
As for him, how about "you've made your choices, you blew it now get off your @ss, grow up and look after yourself".
Apologies for the thinly disguised language but he is getting on my nerves and I don't even know him!
Never mind paying more bills for him. You've yourself, Ave and the dogs to look after. What does he need more money for anyway? Booze?
One last point - you've earned everything you have. Do not feel guilty about any of it!
Rowena
R hunney, you are not a mess today.
I have mentioned before that yours and mine are eerily similar. I supported us (unknowingly at first), I supported his habits, and I supported a very grand lifestyle for him. When I cut him off, he was furious, perhaps desperate, and was scrounging for money in any way he could. First thing he eyed was my paycheck, screaming 'I want spousal support!'. Then eyeing my pension which is sizable. He made this clear in court when he was doing his profit calculations out loud in court so all could hear. Fortunately, nobody felt he was entitled as he did.
Cell phone bill battles make me laugh too. I paid his bill which was around $400 in October. Naturally I would think this was too much for me to afford and cut myself off the bill. Unfortunately, the company delayed and continued service until December 22. He ended running up nearly $1000 in cell phone bills over November and December. Guess who paid? Didn't matter that I have nearly $2000 in mortgage per month, as well as a child to take care of. He screamed law suit for me turning it off. He said I should take care of him, that he needed the phone. I told him fighting the law suit was cheaper than paying his bills. He never did file the suit. AHL. But anyway, my take on this is such:
Together we made about $12,000 a month after taxes. I never bought clothes, cars, jewelry, had cheap press board furniture, nothing fancy. But yet we were always around 1000 negative on the account. That is how I figured that he was siphening his entire paycheck every month, and at least 2000 of mine, to put in a private account for the last two years. He felt whatever he made was his and....oh, whatever I made was his too. When I cut him off, I actually did better, financially, than when he was around. I tried putting myself in his shoes, and if I had no life, had built my entire success around what somebody else made, I guess I would be pretty p&%%ed off too that they cut my pension suddenly. I would figure they couldn't leave me high and dry and needed to compensate me for my lost income. I would be pretty p&%%ed as well that I had to pay my own bills, suddenly, and dive into my own pocket for necessities. I would be screaming 'it just isn't fair! This isn't how I am supposed to be treated!'. I would love to lay a guilt trip on everyone to make sure the money keeps flowing. But whatever the cost, I would never stoop so low as to take my focus off the gravy train and start thinking about how I could improve my OWN life. After all, the other person put me in this dependent situation. They must continue paying for my time. Fortunately, I am much more together than that and would never expect others to take care of me in the way he does.
So please, no, don't feel sorry for the guy. He is a child that has little experience being responsible for himself and needs to learn real quick how to manage. Else he is never going to amount to anything. He has options other than you for paying the bills, but he sees you as an easier solution. He is an adult, treat him like one. He isn't your responsibility. It sounds as if you have given him more than his fair share, don't let him build up a new dependency on your pocket book out of lazyness. It isn't good for you now and it is terrible for him in the future.
I admire how calm and level headed you have remained through all this. It is clear you have stayed focused on what is best for your daughter rather than turn this into a bitter fight. No small accomplishment when you have a guy who is repeatedly trying to turn things bitter. You deserve a medal!
Thanks Sam, i am OVER it today!
Thanks girls, i am SO over it today! Please see my posty to Mommylovesspunx,
OMG!! That jerk!!! Of course, I told my STBX that I could care less what he takes home, his money that he puts into 401k and stock does me NO good, so why should I? He puts over 10% into it and says that his take home pay is what should count b/c that's what he must live on...what do I say? Get over it! haha!
I'm glad you're feeling better :o)
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