Total vent! I'm sorry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Total vent! I'm sorry!
1
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 1:46pm
Today I woke up feeling so angry I don't know what to do! I am totally losing my cool. I have never been an angry person in my life until now, 5 years after starting to date my current bf, who I also live with.

He is so babyish and dependent on me. He can't do a flipping thing on his own. I have to make his doctors appointments, resumes and cover letters, and he 'forgets to eat'if I don't remind him, which he then uses as another excuse to freak out because 'he was just hungry.' Honestly, he is 27, I'm 23. I work full time, he sits at home and is in a terrible mood when I get home, complaining about how terrible the world is, how gas prices are going up, how he has had such a terrible life, blah blah blah!!!

I have always been patient and understanding, even when he started hitting me and calling me down to the lowest. He was terribly abused as a child, and I always thought, "oh he will change,it's just because of (insert random problem of the moment here)." His latest is "i can't find a job." Shut up. He has been to a thousand jobs which he always says he "can't do" and has a literal nervous breakdown, quits, and then stays at home in a huge depression/anger episode which I am supposed to cure. I tell him, "go to counseling." Which he also refuses to do, and won't take medication or do anything to make himself better. Medication makes him not be able to think he says. He just sits around, whining like a 2 year old about his situation and takes it out on me, although he does nothing to change it!!!!

Do any of your bf/husbands do this...everytime I say, "how are you?" he says,"terrible, awful, etc" never, "oh I'm ok today." And also, everytime I say or do something that displeases him, he completely loses his mind and brings up everything he could think of that happened 50 years ago to upset him. For example, he failed out of University. Not because he didn't study or go to class, it's because I DIDN'T HELP HIM!!! Everytime he is mad, he brings it up. And everytime, I tell him that I had a full course load, worked part time, and spent many evenings til 2 am finishing his assignments basically for him because he puts everything off til the last minute. He says he helped me with money so therefore I am in debt to him to help him through school.

I am completely fed up. This has been 5 years of bull s*** and I am ready to kill him with my bare hands! I don't know why he thinks I should be his surrogate mother, but I am losing my mind. I have never been angry like this in my life! I am going back and forth between leaving/staying, leaving/staying, but I get that awful familiar guilt feeling we all are plagued with for being good people. "what will happen to him if I am not here to look after him?" I don't know why my mind even cares! He obviously doesn't care about me, and could care less about anyone but himself, so why do I put myself out on the line for someone who acts like a child, sits on his pity pot from morning til night, and drags my life down with his anger problem that he refuses to treat????

He always whines and complains and drains all my energy. I used to be the happiest person in the whole world. You wouldn't even recognize me now. It's like that girl is dead. I am taking a psychology degree frighteningly enough, and if I ever get away from this crap, I am going to be a counselor in an abused woman's shelter, because I can be one of the woman who say, "yes I do understand, because I've been there!!!"

Ladies, thank you for listening to my vent. He still isn't out of bed, but I have a feeling it is going to be a rough day. I'm so angry i'm crying and everything.

I hope you will pray for me and keep me in your prayers. I am so tired of living this way, but it doesn't seem like there is any way out. We broke up for a month in October and as soon as I didn't want him anymore, he was chasing me, and even went to the length to tell my mother the truth (that he has hit me, etc) and begged her for forgiveness. Then she did nothing but bug me about him until we got back together. I just gave up fighting them. I just have nowhere to turn and can't make a decision. If you escape, stay out. There's my million dollar advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 11:56pm

Hon, there are so many red flags in this man, I hope to God you don't make the huge mistake and marry him.

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