a truthful reality...from a past poster
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a truthful reality...from a past poster
| Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:00pm |
There may be a small few of you still here that remember me. For those of you that don't. I left my abusive husband over a year and a half ago. Everything was running fairly smoothly..but my job does not pay alot but I could get by, with my ex paying the mortgage and me living in the house while our kids staying in their community and school. That is the only thing that was so important to my kids..staying with their friends. My ex pulled the rug out from under me today...over a year and a half later and will be kicking me out of the home at the end of June. I will be homeless and therfore will have no shelter for my children. Therefore..I will lose my children...the only thing thats mattered in my life. Without them..I am and will be nothing.
Please make sure when you plan your escape...please make sure you have weighed out all your options. I know some will be angry at me for this comment...but its reality. I would much rather have stayed in an abusive relationship, then be homeless and losing my precious babies.
My life was bad and depressive when I was with him..but I can't even tell you now...what it is today.
Good luck

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Brooke, I'm so sorry to hear about this.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
I'm really sorry, brooke_gal, I sure hope that you find some alternatives between now and then.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
As for the immediate future, I'm not sure who is telling you that you will lose the children, but if you have been caring for them full time and the majority of the time, the children will remain with you unless you willingly give them up, a temporary order is granted to provide for the separation (meaning the courts would have to hear testimony from both parties) or a hearing is heard that you lose. All of these events take time to occur and therefore, nothing I can think of in the immediate future would separate you from your children. Now, if you are saying that you don't want them to be homeless and therefore you would not keep them with you, I would respond by telling you that you don't have to be homeless. But, even if you do, the fact that you would provide for your children's well being even though it means separating from them temporarily until you find a residence and a means to support them would be a reasonable thing for you to do under the circumstances and not something the courts would necessarily penalize you for when permanent custody is determined. It is always better to hang onto your kids though, so the first choice is to find a place to stay.
Yes, you will need help. Start with the shelters, move to churches, synagogues and temples. Obviously any family that can pitch in right now would be a blessing....temporary shelter?? Yes, the world seems like it is crumbling in on you now. Life sucks -- granted. But (big but here), don't let it allow you to lose sight of the fact that it ain't over until it's over...Your new mission in life has changed, yes...but your ability to conquer anything you put your mind to has not. You have not come this far all to let it come down to, "gee, i'd rather stay and be abused,...etc.." There is another outcome...and, the stakes are high. ~~gentle hugs and MUCH support your way dear
Shortly after I met him..I moved in with him on his quarter section of land (that was inherited to him by his father)...into a mobile home that he owned. That was in '93. In 98 we traded that home off on a brand new mobile home. We got about 18,000 for the old one...and my parents gave me 10,000 to put down on the new one. So how I see it is this home is ours together but the land it is on is not.
I want to remain here for the sake of our kids. Our kids had a horrible time accepting our seperation. They have now come to better accept it. My daughter went through a horrible time at school last year and part of this. She had no self confidence..no self esteem...girls at school were giving her a hard time..and that was kingergarten and the first part of this grade one year. She is now doing wonderful..she has alot of friends...and she's adjusted well. Her marks are down there but the marks are coming up as the staff at the school and myself work hard on building her esteem and confidence back up. My son is for the first time in his life..getting 80 and 90%'s at school. He is doing so awesome and I'm so proud of him. He loves his home..his community..his friends his school. None of this matters to my ex who wants back in "his house". You see he has been paying the mortgage on it because with my wage I can't afford that AND bills. How I see it is this way...in court he was ordered to pay 600.00 child support and 600.00 spousal. This was issued the first time we split. It was supposed to carry over to when we split the second time. He has never given me the spousal support..which would pay the mortage if he was giving it to me.
Anyway...I'm fighting for my kids who want to so badly stay out here. He has even as a settlement offered to set me up on the other side of this quarter section of land..in some trees where I couldn't see his place and he couldn't see mine. He has offered to hook up power, water...etc..etc...if I got a loan for 50,000 to buy a mobile home to put on it. I can't do that..I wouldn't be able to get a loan. But if I could at least my kids could stay out here. My son is already a mess with the idea that we may have to move to town. A small part of me thinks maybe I should just accept that he's taking the place back and just give him custody of the kids...it would kill me and I'm not sure how I would carry on if I gave up my kids...but at least my kids could keep what they now have.
I have not spoke to an attorney yet but I'm planning on it shortly. My mother will help me with funds for a lawyer..so that will help. But he keeps telling me that according to his lawyer I wouldn't get anything.
I don't know..its just easier to give in and give up. My mind frame has already changed in just half a day..nothing seems to matter anymore. My supper dishes are not cleaned up yet...but it just doesn't matter. I've left a message on my voice mail taking no calls....because I just want to block everyone out of my life right now. I just need to be alone and try to come to grips. All of this because I chose to leave his abuse. Not worth it..just not worth it.
Thank you Cheryl so much for reading my post and replying to it. I hope something will work for me..but I think I've lost my try...I've lost my spirit.
Sharon
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
I'm so scared for my kids sakes. Academically and emotionally they need to stay in their school. They go to a country school..because we live in the country. If we move to town they have to change schools. My daughter has had extra help at school this year that has done her wonders. They have worked with her emotionally to build up her self confidence. When her father and I split...I think she blamed herself so much...she had no confidence anymore. She has come so far this year....but it did effect her academically. She was too scared and shy to answer teachers questions. She now does so but it really delayed her in kindgergarten and most of this grade one year. She is getting stronger everyday. They won't consider holding her back because it would destroy her self-confidence. It took her almost all year to fit in comfortably with the other little girls at school.. She has done so well the last few months I couldn't have been happier. Now he wants to come along and take all that away from her and dump her in another school where she has to start over again? It would destroy her. My son has gone from a 60% child to one that may receive honors this year. They have thrived. He loves his school..teacher...friends. I'm so scared for them when they have adjusted finally and started doing so well. I am so scared what will happen to them if this is all taken away from them.
I need your continued support...please...I feel so alone in all of this right now.
He tried calling me earlier tonight but my voice mail said I wasn't taking calls. So I imagine when I'm at work tomorrow he will hassle me. I will have to explain to my boss as to whats going on.
Thank you everyone for your words...I am trying to find a little bit of hope in all of this right now..but its hard. I know if I can find a small piece of hope...I'll at least be able to care for my children a little better then I did this last evening. I couldn't stop crying ..and they are very worried about mom. I can't seem to go 5 minutes without crying.
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