a truthful reality...from a past poster

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
a truthful reality...from a past poster
12
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:00pm
There may be a small few of you still here that remember me. For those of you that don't. I left my abusive husband over a year and a half ago. Everything was running fairly smoothly..but my job does not pay alot but I could get by, with my ex paying the mortgage and me living in the house while our kids staying in their community and school. That is the only thing that was so important to my kids..staying with their friends. My ex pulled the rug out from under me today...over a year and a half later and will be kicking me out of the home at the end of June. I will be homeless and therfore will have no shelter for my children. Therefore..I will lose my children...the only thing thats mattered in my life. Without them..I am and will be nothing.

Please make sure when you plan your escape...please make sure you have weighed out all your options. I know some will be angry at me for this comment...but its reality. I would much rather have stayed in an abusive relationship, then be homeless and losing my precious babies.

My life was bad and depressive when I was with him..but I can't even tell you now...what it is today.

Good luck

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 9:38am
Hugs! I do remember you and I lurk here often, I am mostly on the sister board. I am not sure where you are. I am a social worker and one thing I do know is that homelessness is NOT a reason to have your children removed from you. Of course it isn't an ideal situation, but it is out of your hands, therefore not a reason for CPS to take your children.

They weigh everything out, look how far you have come in the last year. Your children are thriving in your care. CPS would much rather see you homeless than with an abuser than can emotionally and physically scar your children.

So, the other suggestions are wonderful. Get a free consultation with a lawyer, some lawyers will take cases pro bono, although they are few and far between unfortunately.

You have until June, so about 2 months. Get on some waiting lists for subsidized apartments and housing. Do it now because they always have waiting lists and IF things fall through, you at least have a back up.

Now, this may sound absolutely crazy to you, but you could call CPS yourself, tell them what is going on and ask for help. Because of the fact that someone could report you for being homeless, calling them ahead of time can work in your favor. They see it as a strength when someone asks for help before they are mandated to be involved.

That may not make sense, CPS can't take your kids because you are homeless, but I suggest you call them. They still could get involved because you are homeless. I think that if you ask them for help they will help you because they don't want to see you and your children homeless. You sound like a wonderful mom and are doing a terrific job. They will see that.

Since you have some time, just start making phone calls, the shelters, various children's organizations. Find out what is out there. Of course continue with legal recourse, but have a back up plan.

You can do this, you have already shown your strength, it is there.

Hope I was able to help

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 11:43am
Hi, Brooke,

I'm so sorry you've let this POS get you so down. I really don't think staying with him would've been better - you were always so down and distraught with him. You're listening too much to him - like you've been conditioned to do - instead of putting up a fight. I know firsthand that sometimes it's almost next to impossible to reach down in you for that last big of strength, but it is there.

You've accomplished so much in the last year. That's probably why he's pulling this on you, just to knock your feet out from underneath you because you are making it. Enlist all the help you can and DON'T LET HIM WIN. He doesn't deserve it!

Hugs,

Jackie

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