Two steps forward one step back....
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| Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:40pm |
Last weekend he DID bring the car back to me. He came on Sunday morning and picked us up so that we could go to church. I had this small hope that maybe he would go with us...that maybe he would change and do this with this perfect opportunity. My son even asked him to go with us to church. Nope. He wanted to be dropped off at his house and we went by ourselves again. This is the guy that had said to me a few weeks ago that I never asked him to come and that is why he didnt go to church...because we hadnt asked. Pffft. I am really getting tired of going over there on Sundays after church and spending the day there...pretending to get along with him...feeling tense the whole time and the two of us not really talking to one another. And yet I couldnt tell him that I dont want to spend any time with him when he is on vacation...I couldnt come right out and say "No I dont want to spend any time with you" Sigh.
I am feeling down tonight. I feel like I have nobody to talk to about this. I forgot my appointment with my counselor today. I just feel awful. I was so tired today and it just slipped my mind that today was our appointment. I feel horrible about it especially since I feel like I need someone to talk to and of course I had someone this morning that I could have. I really have no friends. I have 2 friends but really I still feel alone. I have my one friend that I have called the past 3 nights and she doesnt return my call. This happens alot with her and I end up really only talking to her once a week or every other week or longer even. My other friend is my cousin and her phone is disconnected right now and I cant get ahold of her. And she is hard to get ahold of in the first place also. I feel so darn needy...like I need someone to just listen to me for hours or something...someone to just be there and to help support me and I guess the only place I feel that I get a part of that is here. How did I let myself get to the point where I have no friends? And it even happened before I had my son....why didnt I see that back then?
Sorry I just had to vent. Thanks so much for being here....this board is a life saver.
Hugs to you all.
Ree

Aw, that's OK.
CL-Blueliner4
I am sorry you are feeling down. It really is hard to let go of a dream you have held onto for a long time. Don't get down on yourself. It is normal. I found this idea on the breaking up message board the second time I broke up with my ex. It did keep me from talking to him for three months (I know you can't do the no contact because of children). Get a stack of index cards and write one negative thing on each one. When you get that dreamy feeling, read those cards. Some women say they carry them in their purses. Maybe I should have done that. I wouldn't have gone back that time. Now, when I get the dreamy feeling, I just look at the hole in my wall and my directTV bill. Just remember, you will have those feelings of nostalgia. It's okay and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Take care of yourself and feel better.
Jen
The feelings you are having are normal. It has only been since the end of January. Right now is when the numbness starts wearing off. Sounds about the same time I was getting really depressed. At least I had no contact..that helped.
Think about this...why would you want to go on vacation with someone you are divorcing. Why is he even asking you? Don't let this get you down.
Terry
I'm sorry to hear that the H is being a jerk again. I think it's very telling that he STILL has not gone to church with you guys, even though he's been invited numerous times. I would think that, if he really wanted to show you that he's trying to change, he would at least do that much. Check down at the bottom of the board (under "Off-Topic") and see if you can find that post (I think it was from Sweetdreams?) about "How to Tell if He's Changing." I think that will tell you all you need to know.
Stay strong, girl! Come back and see us often -- we miss ya!
Love & Hugs,
Emm