UGHHHHHHHH

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
UGHHHHHHHH
1
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 4:00pm
I've been away from my stbxh for almost 6 months. But, I'm still putting up with his sh!t. He's called me three times today. Wanting to see our daughter. He won't give me any info about what he's doing, where he's living, or when he might sign these divorce papers. He comes around every once and a while and expects me to drop everything and bring Anna to him. The last time he called was 6 weeks ago. Today I tried being nice to him b/c I can only imagine how hard it is being away from your child. He's had drugs keeping him occupied though. He hasn't even tried getting in touch w/me. Wait, why was I being nice. Hek, I don't know why I was being nice. That'll change. Anyway, I told him we needed to sit down and talk so we could make future arrangements and custody aggreements. Only b/c my lawyer is sitting on his butt and I feel I could just settle this no fault and it'll all be over w/a lot sooner. But, the only places I will meet him is either at his dad's or at my home. Safety reasons. But, he wasn't having that. He wanted me to drive to get Anna (20 min. away) then come back to this side of town (another 20 min.) to follow him to a "safe" place. Forgetting I have two other children I have to pick up who are 1 min. from my house but 20 min. from me right now. I told him I didn't have time to do all of that. I had two other children to pick up. He told me I could put them off. That I would put them off and I would meet him. lol.... I guess he forgot he has no control over me anymore. I dont' want to even think of what he had in mind when I followed him to this "safe" place. Now he's accusing me of keeping his daugther out of his life b/c I won't allow him to walk in and out of it.

Have any of you guys had this problem? Should I proceed w/the divorce as is or try reasoning with him? I'm just scared he'll back out after I change the papers.

Who knows? I'm so tired of it at this point....I don't even care.

Mel

Avatar for chaotican
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: imel240
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 6:22pm
Just move forward, hon. You don't need him to play along... You don't even need to have your head all clear and straight at this point, as long as you are moving forward.

The world doesn't actually revolve around him and what he says and thinks doesn't have that great an influence on reality. You'll get your divorce because it your choice. You'll get your daughter because he is not a fit parent. The truths will come out. Don't spend too much time mucking about in the fog he's created. Just trudge forward and don't ask yourself too many questions!

No one is insisting that you hate him and are mean to him. Just do realize that he sounds like quite the lost cause. You do not need to do anything for him. You do not need to sympathize with him. He has no power over you and no power over your situation. You do not need to cater to his requests, and I would seriously recommend that you do not do so. Calmly tell him that he can see Anna under the following circumstances, and then define your boundries. If he has a problem with that, he can plead his case to a judge. Don't discuss issues. It sounds like he needs everything to be about him - make this about you. You can't continue to be inconvieneced. You'll accommodate him to a point, but all you're willing to do is supervise, drive your daughter 5 mins, whatever your boundries are.

Good luck and hang in there!