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| Mon, 09-25-2006 - 1:11pm |
Hi Guys
I just wanted to give you an update.
I am not with him anymore, we've broken up for good. We've been broken up for 9 days and he's only tried to contact me once, last monday, a week ago. I told him it was over and that I couldn't come back.
Its really sad though, I still have a lot of love for him even though he was at times abusive. I just couldn't keep taking what he was doing. At times I am happy that I left, I feel more free and more relaxed. But there are other times where I am hit with the loneliest feeling, I feel like its crippling, those are the hardest times. Sometimes I want to die, he was the last six years of my life. I have lost ALL my friends, I don't even have one girlfriend left (this is totally my fault). I wish I had ppl that I could talk to. That's life though, I made my bed, now I have to sleep in it.
Thanks for listening.

Hi Rosie,
Thanks for coming and giving us an update. I am proud of you for telling him is it over and he cannot come back.
It is normal to feel very sad, lonely, depressed when you breakup with somebody. I think it is even worse when it is with someone that was abusive. There is a lot of damage that is hidden inside that you cannot see. He has damaged your self esteem. You are doing great for not talking with him. You did the right thing. I hope you feel somewhat of a relieve now. You are free to do as you please. You do not have to feel guilty anymore. It will take some time to adjust, but you did the right thing.
Of course you still have a lot of love for him. Love does not just go away quickly. I am sure there will always be a part of you that loves him. I still love my abuser too, but only for the good part. He was funny, smart, charming, fun.. but then there was the times that he was mean, disrespectful, said he hated me, rude, manipultive. I did not love him then. I think there will always be a part of me that loves him. I do really miss him and all of the good times. but you know what, the bad times outweight the good times. It never would have worked out for us.
It is not your fault that you have lost all your friends. It happens all the time in abusive relationships. They have no idea what you have gone thru. Did he make you feel guilty about seeing them all the time and then you didn't want to make him mad so you decided not to see your friends anymore. He knew exactly what he was doing. He did this on purpose for you to lose your friends. It is not your fault.
You do have people to talk to. You have us on here that you can talk to all the time. Post as much as you like. You can e-mail me thru my profile if you want to. It might not be the same as friends in real life, but we are still friends, we're just thru the computer. You will get thru this it will just take some time. How is the book so far? Are you learning a lot?
Hugs. Lauren