an update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
an update
6
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 1:29pm


Just an update....I left with my baby over the weekend and rented a place just for the weekend. So peaceful. I came back to the house today to pack up some stuff. He would never take a day off work to harass me - his work has and always will be a top priority for him. We will stay in a hotel tonight. If/when I get the nerve I am going to call a shelter at least to have someone to talk to. I hate the idea of dragging her around to different hotels rooms and my access to the money is limited and dependent on what he does with the credit cards and money (which are in his name). I just don't know how I got in this situation. I know about domestic violence - I even did some work at a shelter years ago. I am so embarrased. So embarrased. I have always been amazed at the strength some women have - so I will keep posting and hopefully something someone says will sink in....

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: sam_us
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 2:09pm

Way to go. You should be proud of yourself for making that first step. I think a shelter would be the best place for you right now. You will be safe and your little kid will be safe too. You really need to think about your child. Just be safe.

I think that everyone that has been in an abusive relationship has asked themselves a million times how they got in the relationship. It is not just you. It happens so quickly and silently that before you know it, it is a very unhealthy relationship. I like the saying Love is blind for that reason. You only see the positive and you don't focus at all on the negative qualities.

I am embarassed too. I am ashamed by the way my abuser treated me. I should have stood up for myself, but it is so difficult when you are right there standing next to the man that terrifies you. I just gave in all the time. Apologize for his mistakes. In the end I am the one hurting - not him. He doesn't think he did aynything wrong.

You did the right thing. You will do the right thing when the time is right.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: sam_us
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 11:55pm
Hi Lauren. Thank you for your message. I feel like I got run over by a truck. I did manage to have some fun with my daughter today so I was happy about that. I haven't seen him for a few days now either which is good. But I am totally shuffling around - every night I don't know where we are going to sleep. I know, I know, call the hotline or shelter :):) Anyway thanks for listening. I am going to keep posting because I feel like I have so few friends who I can tell what is going on. The whole relationship was like that - who can know what....such a mess. And today he sent me nasty messages saying that I can't do anything for myself, that I am crazy, etc. He loves to tell me I am crazy lately. Like it is his way of putting me down - I can't stand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: sam_us
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 11:41am

Keep posting away. I felt the same when I was going through the same thing. I was so ashamed and embarassed to tell anyone that I thought my boyfriend was abusive. It helped so much when I found this board. People here know what it feels like to be in an abusive relationship. They know how abusers act. People in non-abusive relationships have no clue what goes on. They think it is easy to get out, and why can't you stand up for yourself... but they have no idea. That is why this board is wonderful.

He is intentionally trying to hurt you now. He knows what bothers you and knows what to say that will strike a nerve. He is trying to put everything on you so you will stop looking at him like the problem. But the thing is... he is the problem. The only way you will get better is to get away from the problem. You are doing great!!

Oh I seen your other post so I will try and think of a couple songs....

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
In reply to: sam_us
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 7:11pm
Wow! I am so proud and enviouse of you for leaving. You are so smart and doing the right thing for your daughter. I am going to watch your posts to give me strength to leave also. Thank you for leaving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: sam_us
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 7:47pm
Wow, Sam, I did a field placement in a shelter when I was about 22 and met Pinocchio the following year.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: sam_us
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 8:43pm
Hang in there- you CAN do this! Give them a call, you will be sooooo glad you did.
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