Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Update
28
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 4:37pm

Hello everyone,

The last time I wrote, I needed advice about leaving my abusive husband.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: funbuz36
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:29am

Hi, funbuz!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
In reply to: funbuz36
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 1:14pm

And since he even needs help going to the bathroom and cleaning up, all the more reason he would be better in a hospice..They can take care of him 24/7 around the clock, all of his needs. Hospice was developed just for family members of people who cannot take care of themselves any longer. Family members tend to kill themselves trying to do it all by themselves and not asking for help...this seems to be what you are doing. My husband's grandfather took care of his wife after her stroke. She milked it completely and was extremely bossy and rude to everyone. He ended up dying of

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: funbuz36
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 2:19pm

I agree--hospice is a better choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: funbuz36
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 3:36pm

Hi;

wow; Please dont bash me for saying this but what happens if the guy lives...!!

Are you going to stay with him again?

I cant believe the amount of courage and endurance you have to deal with this. Where the hell do you get the strength and courage ... and I thought I read somewhere on here that you have a job???

I could barely get out of bed with my mentally and verbally abusive husband let alone take care of the guy if he was dying. Although when he and I were going through a divorce no one was around my ex had minor health

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
In reply to: funbuz36
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 4:28pm

Thank you very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: funbuz36
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 6:12pm

Funbuz, you sound much more energetic and happy than you used to--being able to control your own life does that to a person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: funbuz36
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 7:00pm

Hi;
Geez Louise.. I cant even imagine what you had to go through.

I agree with Geo.. Do what is best for you now. Sounds like you are coming along well.

So if your hubby dies does he have a will? Can you stay in the house or apt? you guys are in now and change it all up when he dies..

What about life insurance and money. I dont want to sound cruel but these are facts of life. When he is gone you need to take care of YOU..

Do you have all of the legal matters worked out.. You are still married to him right?

Didnt the shelter tell you to get your own place or move out?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: funbuz36
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 8:56pm
Well, free, that's why I always recommend that you contact a domestic violence agency FIRST, to find out what help they can give you. I'm having a hard time understanding why you would think a shelter would kick you out or not help you because you were experiencing verbal and mental abuse. I run a DV shelter and that is SOOOO not the case. Sorry you wasted all that money when you didn't have to. If you contacted a shelter and they gave you grief or refused to help or for whatever reason you have a RIGHT to file a complaint. Contact your state's domestic violence coalition and report them. You can find that info at the www.womenslaw.org website, just click on the drop down menu for your state, then click on the "state" agencies and it will tell you how to get in touch with them. I just hate it when I hear bad stuff about a shelter that is supposed to be helping abused people.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: funbuz36
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 10:44am

Hi Cajun;

Thank you for caring.. and I guess at the time I was in panic mode and I also felt that I wouldnt be eligible for a shelter so I just didnt go that route. I also blame myself because then I would have had to dig my way out of the shelter and it was all too hard for me at that time.

I even remember when I left home and I went to court to try and get some money from my ex. I just needed a few hundred dollars which I was entitled to for food and incidentals. Well? The examiner said that its he said and she said and that she couldnt award me any money at that time. She said that as long as ex was paying the bills I should go back to the marital house and get a divorce and move on. What???????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
In reply to: funbuz36
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 12:40pm

Thanks a lot.

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