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| Sun, 06-27-2004 - 11:17pm |
It has been awhile. 4 of my 5 brothers came in town this weekend. I have been dreading court because I knew that they would be there and hear my testimony. My counselor suggested that I sit them all down and talk with them. Of course she was here too, and that helped some. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My brothers remember me as the tomboy who wouldnt let anyone tell me that I couldnt do something just because I was a girl. Somewhere along the way that tomboy was lost. I wrote everything down, I read what I wrote to them. I just kept my eyes on the papers, I couldnt look at them, I feared that I would see discust in their faces. I cried so hard and I couldnt finish reading what I had written. Then my oldest brother put his arms around me, took the papers from me, and finished reading what I had wrote. I still could not look them in the eye. Each brother came over and hugged me, and told me that they loved me. I really needed to hear that. They had questions, and I answered them as best I could, and Dr. B answered some too. But now I know that each of them look at me differently now.
Court is going to be hard. Attorney has an assistant who is role playing as my x's attorney and he has put me through the ringer a couple of times. My attorney says that she is just preparing me for court. Both times he has questioned me I end up losing it and I have to work on keeping my cool. I dont understand why it has to be so hard on me, isnt it my x who is on trial. Sometimes it feels like Im the one on trial. Well court is July 20th, I still have a long way to go on building up my courage to get through this. But I got through this weekend with my brothers, and I didnt think I was going to be able to do it. So court is going to be a piece of cake. (I wish)
Oh and by the way my oldest is still here with me, he is planning on staying here as long as I need him to. He is also in the process of buying my house. It is a relief that I dont have to put it on the market. He is going to help me get settled after the trial. I havent picked where I am going to go yet, but it is nice that I am not having to do it alone. Please keep me in your prayers ladies, I need all the support I can get right now.
thanks in advance
Van

Hey lady -
Sometimes it does feel like that, and you are not the only person here to have thought that.
CL-Blueliner4