An update after a long absence . . .
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| Fri, 07-30-2004 - 2:36pm |
He is pulling all the manipulating punches these abusive guys do. First of all, I found out he had a 4-5 month affair about 8 years ago. The girl is now married to my cousin, but I've never met her. He was always very financially controlling with me and the kids. Never wanted me to have anything and said it would just spoil the kids to buy them things. She said he would buy her roses and gifts and leave them on her back porch. That Christmas my kids had few gifts - I didn't think 'we' had a lot of money. She said he came over to her parents' house and had Christmas with her and her kids (I remember him saying he was going to his brothers'). He bought her expensive jewelry and the kids a Nintendo and baseball cards. THe POS has NEVER bought his own kids a Christmas gift. Somebody finally told her he was married, and she said he became violent with her and she was terrified of him - she threatened him with a restraining order and a civil suit and he finally left her alone. The person who told her he was married said there had been others, too. There's no doubt in my mind about that - he stayed gone ALL the time! He actually had the nerve to lie and tell my son that I had called and asked him to get back together!!!
Now, of course, he already has a new girlfriend. My DIL saw her and her 2 kids with him at a restaurant yesterday. He has such audacity! He has summons me to court for contempt because of visitation with my DD (she's 12). She doesn't always want to go with him - why would she? He was NEVER a father to her or her brothers. So he's trying to blame it on me. I bet he's got tapes of me telling what a POS I think he is. Anyway, he always thinks he's so invincible that he ignores the fact that we are going to counter sue for contempt because he has taken out 3 loans - 1 I don't know what for, another so he could bail a buddy out of jail, and the 3rd for furniture. He also had a lien put on a truck that is in my name, too!
Not only did he abuse me so much when I was living with him, but now it only gets worse. Everyone assures me he will not get by with this. Well, maybe in the end he'll have to pay, but I'd love to see it now.
I have been crushed because of all of this. I knew how he was, but I just wouldn't let myself believe it. I asked my therapist yesterday if I could still actually love someone who treated me that way. She said it was because I was hurt so badly, that the pain was just hard to let go of after all the things that have happened.
Now I am a mess, but I do have hopes for the future. My life with him was so chaotic and full of hell, that my future has to be better. First, I need to get myself through this. Someday I have faith I'll meet someone who will treat me like I've never been treated before.
Hugs to you all,
Jackie

This is just my opinion, but to me this tells me he's still digging, working 100 times harder on just trying to upset one minute of your life than he ever did trying to make it work. Then again, he's an abuser, I shouldn't be surprised.
I think he's just so desperate to make one minute of your life miserable because he's losing his control and power over you and it's driving him nutz trying to find that way. Try not to let this hurt you, I know it has but try to reverse it. Every second you are miserable he's knowing he can still get to you. Don't give him anymore, turn your frustration into action, try to deny him the satisfaction of knowing he's getting to you. Take yourself out for a Mommy Time-out, get your nails done, have a quiet Latte', anything but give him the time of day. Let your lawyers do their work, give them what you know will derail his actions, but don't allow him to bug you like this. He's gone public so you know about his new girlfriend, he's showing off so that he can get you to feel just the way you are.
I hope you can find the thought, the moment, the one thing that you can take this and turn it around, to go on the offensive, (didn't mean the pun, but it does work), make this miserable on him, don't give him one second, he's just not worth the salt in your tears. Who knows, someone might see you enjoying your life and it will get back to him!!
You don't need to play his game anymore and it's not your fault for feeling this way, it's his conditioning that's bringing it up within you.
Remember pretty lady, our best revenge is them knowing that we are living a happy and free life without them!
Gentle Hugs