Update and a link..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Update and a link..
Sat, 04-16-2011 - 12:47pm

board has been quiet for 3 days..

nothing much going on my end..Everyone I spoke to feels it is best if I were to leave and not have to deal with changing locks, keeping up with the house and so on so forth. They also said moving out without any paper work filing/serving is not recommended so as to sort of "lay out the rules" else a controlling, vindictive person like him cannot be trusted and can do whatever he wants. If I feel I am not able to leave alone (without dd), I have been told to "stick it out" while the papers are in process. At that time, if he chooses to go on his own or does anything, I have been told to call police.

Yes, I know you all will say I can keep overthinking and analysing but I got to DO something to start some process. Without action, nothing is going to happen. I was all gung-ho until yesterday morning..was even looking at prospective places. Today I am just frozen.. mainly at the thought of DD who has so many things in her plate (that she has begged me not to disrupt or the "I wont be able to handle this now") part..

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 04-16-2011 - 1:51pm

Thanks Winter for that Link.

Most of us here are just worried and concerned about you.

Bottom line you have to make your own decision.

That's sometimes hard to do when you are in an "Abusive" relationship.

You are held captive by fear, at least I was.

But you will find the strength and courage.



Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 04-16-2011 - 2:57pm
Winter, taking action is exactly what I've been suggesting all along. Even if it's just to prepare the paperwork, at least it's action. I think having some sort of order in place for dd is a good idea. If the judge orders her to go with you, she has no choice and you weren't the one that said she had to. That should take some of the heat off of you and possibly help her realize that this is NOT all about HER, because it's not. It's about YOU and YOUR SAFETY, SANITY, PEACE and HEALTH. She's 14 years old and bulletproof (in her mind, lol), you aren't. You deserve these good things in your life, winter. Maybe just getting the paperwork started will help you take that next baby step. Keep taking them, they add up.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 12:26am

I have always been stuck with the "paperwork" stuff..I was told I can tell him and stay and wait it out at home..But I am really scared of doing it..it is like a bait..no idea of his reaction but in a way..he does anything he will be in jail (according to atty). Except at what cost? would I be hurt for it to happen? Another option is for me to leave..but that is where i get stuck when dd refuses..So maybe I need to take the chance..and who knows..when I say I am leaving, he will react in some way that we can finally call police and get him out.