Update been a long time and this is long
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 2:34pm |
I have not posted for a long time due to concerns that kerky had found out. I do believe that that is not the case so I feel comfortable posting again.
So here we go with an update:
It has been 17 months since I left Kerky, it has been some of the longest and hardest times of my life, but I now feel that things may be changing for the better.
My divorce is still pending, somehow caught up in the courts between the states. Hopefully it will not go past the year mark. Custody is not settled, Kerky (get this) lied about where Tyler lived (stupid), he claimed that Ty was a resident of NJ when obviously he spent his last school year in PA, which is readily available information (digging his own grave, I say). This ticked my attorney off who has pretty much had it with him and his attorney and appointed a "guardian en lighten" (spelling?) for Ty. This means that I have temp. residential custody until the guardian makes his decision on where custody should go.
Ty has gone through his psyche evaluations and IQ tests and is now part of the IEP program (his IQ was through the roof). They determined that he is far from stupid, he just cant learn in the same way as other kids, because his brain does not communicate with his hands (ie writing) correctly. Now he will be worked with daily (and still attend regular classes) until his mind learns to cooperate with his hands. These are the tests that kerky refused to be done, cause he did not want his son labeled as "retarded". Hah...far from it...the child is gifted, proven by the tests, just challenged because he is "too smart" for his age as the doc's put it. His body has yet to catch up with his mind kind of thing. A little hard to understand it all but I still believe it is a wonderful thing. He feels so much better and his temper tantrums have calmed significantly since we have altered his school work and his grades have improved drastically. (although he still gives me trouble after visitation day, but it is no longer physical). He is looking forward to starting a new school this fall and is content with our current living arrangements and slowly he seems to be coming around and not hating me so much.
Now as to my Mike. You wont believe this. Kerky informed him (I think I mentioned this before)that he was a bastard. Well this haunted that child until he asked me if I could try to find his real dad, my head and heart never hurt so much, and I must admit to having some real bad thoughts toward Kerky after finding out this crap). So with much fear in my heart I searched for Mikes biological dad. I was so afraid. What if I couldnt find him, what if he didnt want to see Mike, acknowledge him. What was I going to do. I searched via internet for days, sent out hundreds of emails, to names and address hoping that I might get a hit. And I did. It was both terrifying and exciting. He Im'd me at work and I was so flabergasted I dropped and spilled my coffee everywhere. After a lot of talking and putting past hurts where they belonged in the past, we scheduled a meeting with him and Mike. According to Jeff, he had grown and realized just what he was missing by not being a part of his sons life and was very interested in becoming a part of his life. So the first meeting, I was so nervous, it had been over thirteen years since I had seen him and it was the first for him and Mike. I didn't know how Mike would react. I do know that it backfired on Kerky. He thought that this would devastate Mike, cause me insurmountable problems. But it didnt. Jeff wanted to see Mike, and Mike wanted to see him. The day he came to the house. Mike ran outside and right into his arms. It was overwhelming. I cried. Over the last three months they have forged a wonderful relationship, and Mike "drops bombs" on Jeff. LOL. He tells him things that he never told me, and Jeff listens (I advised him of the situation, it would have been unfair of me not to), gives advice the best he can and tells Mike that he will always be there for him. Mike has calmed down, changed, I think he is finding his peace. He has now offered to bear witness in court for me if needed, as long as his "dad" was there with him. He starts a new school (both boys do) and he is excited. He can "start over" he told me. He will be playing football on the school team and has already earned the second string wide receiver and is currently working toward taking the first string. He has come such a long way and I am so proud of him.
As for me, it has been real hard, I get so mad at the courts. I think it is ridiculous that I still cant get child support from Kerky or alimony or anything. I went in and had a cardiac implant (an amplatzer device) put in my heart and I have been feeling better than I have ever felt. A few more months of recupping but the change is incredible. I have come to the conclusion that there is not much I can do about the finances at this time, so I pay what I can when I can and advised them all of the situation. It is the best that I can do and eventually I will be able to pay everything off. Now, believe it or not..Jeff (Mike's Dad) and I have hit it off unbelievably. We are now not just friends but slightly romantic (which ty does tell me about cause kerky told him I cant date until my divorce is final, but my attorney says i can). He has become my dearest friend and confidant and who would have thought that after all these years, that him and I would get together. I am still a little leary, a little afraid of a relationship but he has shown me that he is nothing like kerky and never will be. for that I am grateful. Jeff voluntarily gives me child support for Mike now (imagine that, blew me out of the water) and comes up every other weekend to see him and calls him and me just about every night. It is so wonderful. Ty loves Jeff, he cant wait to see him. I think he is a little torn cause Kerky tells him not to like Jeff, but he does and he wants to, it is obvious.
Jeff understands the situation that we came from and works with us. He slowly but surely penetrates the obstacles (at least so far)and I never fear that anything I say to him will be used as a weapon against me or my kids. He allows me my retreat when I feel overwhelmed (cant help it) but takes no offense and will talk to me about it, offer proof of his sincerity and waits for me to stop retreating and then pushes forward a little more. Kind of like holding a childs hand when they are afraid. I have some high hopes for the relationship yet I still have some high fears to overcome. But he has made the last couple of months bearable because he knows how to make me laugh and smile and brighten up any day for me, and i find that to be an extraordinary thing. I have smiled more in the last three months than in the previous ten years, i swear.
Sorry this is so long, overall we seem to coming along slowly but surely and the boys are adjusting much better now than they were before, to the point where Mike rarely sees Kerky. and Mike admitted that Kerky more or less threatened him and Jeff told Mike that he would be there for him and that my brother and brother-in-law would be there for him so he more and more is coming out of his protective cruel shell that he developed for himself and ty is not far behind. I believe that Jeffs prescence has shown them that not all men are mean and miserable and topped with living with my brother who is a pussycat, they are learning that their life does not need to be ruled by fear and intimidation, and I do believe that they are really liking it. As to me and jeff, well i plan on taking it slowly and surely, one step forward and hopefully not too many backwards. Just want to make sure that even if jeff and i dont work out romantically that it wont stop the "father son" relationship that is forming strongly around them. It is my biggest fear. i have high hopes that once the divorce is final and custody granted that I will finally feel totally free of kerky and his web of fear and intimidation.
Thanks for reading my update...my long long update.
May each and every one of you find your guiding light in life, as I believe that Jeff has become mine.

WOW!
CL-Blueliner4
Sounds like a story that a book could be written for. I am so happy for you! It took a lot of strength to go out and find Mike's biological father, but look what happiness it brought you!
Congrats!
Terry