update, court this afternoon

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
update, court this afternoon
2
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 4:54am

This afternoon (3 hours from now) is the court to determine if I can get temp custody and to close the accounts from his access. *sigh* but what is the big point about closing already empty accounts? The lawyer says it is mainly to put a freeze on the house so that he cannot take a lien out on it. She says judges are not so inclined to give temp custody here either. Actually custody is another matter. If I may, I would like to post another update after the court.

Went to another visitation at the social services center last night. One of the counselors came to speak to me in a separate room and I fell apart in front of him. It was one of those pathetic moments again. I was mumbling something like 'why does he keep hurting me and my son, doesn't he feel any guilt? Doesn't he feel sorry for anything? Does he feel anything at all?'

My son came out kind of hanging his arms in a tired way and looking...bored?...exasperated? He did take my hand and told me 'here, I will show you papa' but the counselors explained to him that that wasn't a good thing. He shrugged and said ok, and was ready to go home without any fuss. I asked him if he had fun and he said 'yeah' in a kind of 'yeah, I suppose so' tone. It was kind of strange because the last visit he was excited about telling me about what fun it was. Don't know... I will call the center today and see what their impression was.

As a final note, I am constantly evaluating myself trying to figure out my strengths/weaknesses. Anyway, I received a performance appraisal with comments from each my supervisor, section head, and director. They all gave very nice reviews which was a relief because I was afraid that my personal life was interferring with work and causing my performance to hurt because of it. Actually I still think I am working below my normal standard because of all that has happened. But the nice thing was that the director gave the final review and added at the end that he recommended me for a merit award. I was shocked. This normally goes to the best and there are so many people who are far better than me. He said I had taken ...a project... that had been suffering for many years and have shaped it up over the last 2 years. Now it is true that most people avoided this one because it was such a mess. But the truth is that I had so much help and that it was a team effort, not just me. Much of the time I was finding myself in situations thinking 'ok, how am I going to get out of this one' so I am certainly not perfect. One of the senior people scolded me and said I should learn to take a complement. He may be right but I am always afraid that people are overestimating me or that they give me compliments out of charity. Just had to talk about this one because I feel so aweful and undeserving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 9:28am

I hope that court went okay, please let us know....


CONGRATS!!!! That is so wonderful that you had such a wonderful review and that your superiors were so complimentary of you! Please don't think that you don't deserve it, I really doubt that they would suggest a merit award if they didn't feel that you worked hard for it, obviously, YOU are the most deserving person there!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 12:44pm
See? You ARE great!

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