Update on me......
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|Fri, 08-26-2011 - 4:38pm|
I have not posted anything lately. I have continued counseling and working on myself. I believe the last few sessions, I have actually led the conversation on working on myself instead of still needing validation that what I went through was abuse and that I am better off. I have always felt comfortable with my counselor, but I really have opened up the past two weeks. I have admitted to things that I am afraid of and realized that the things that I need to change for myself and work on.
I have been out with a friend of mine who has been divorced for about a year. She has really helped me get on the right track. We go out to eat about once a week. I go with my sister and her husband every now and again. So, I am trying to move on with my life and look toward positive things. I get my apartment next week. I am so thankful to my parents, but I need to have my own space. I have been hoping that having my own apartment and routine will help me feel better, too.
I admit, I still have to take something to sleep or I have nightmares. Well, I got so sleepy last night that I forgot to take it and had an awful dream. I woke up hot and scared and sick to my stomach. Needless to say, I was up for the rest of the time and today has been emotional.
Every now and then, I still find a little thought in my head wondering if he is okay. We never went out with others when we were married, so I don't know why I think I can help him move on now. I know it isn't my responsibility, but I also know you all understand how hard it is to break that connection. I have not contacted him in a long time and I don't intend to. I just feel so lonely right now and he is the one that I went to for 15 years. I didn't get the kind of response from him that I needed when we were married, but you still have that urge when that is all you had for that long. I understand that I need to work on myself somemore to be comfortable being alone. I am actually looking forward to alone time in my apartment.