Update on Me and My 2 Cents

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Update on Me and My 2 Cents
1
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:13am

First of all, I think the empathy on this board is great. Many people, including myself have a gut feeling that something is not right in a relationship and don't know what it is or where to turn. I just needed someone to tell me you're not nuts and this is wrong. You have done everything to try to resolve this and now you need to let go. If you have been abused you know that the last thing you need is severe words from anyone else. You get that enough at home, along with objects being thrown at you and a general lack of respect and affection. It takes a long time to see the forest for the trees, and I know I for one still have trouble admitting that a smart, successful person married someone who would treat me so badly and then blame me for everything wrong in the world.

Now all about me, me, me. I went off on my ex last week at his visitation. I had been helping with the baby since it is supervised and I felt safe. I finally just lost it with him and told him that I was a much different person now and my level of tolerance of carp from people is much less and that I will not ever live that we lived last year again ever with him or anyone else. I told him he likes to tell me about how he felt last year this time and let me tell him how I felt when he left me one day with no vehicle, no money and no lunch when I was pregnant and killed the battery in my car by accident. Or how I felt when we were trying to put up a tent and he said to take my fat a** in the house as I was too stupid to hold up the tent while he put it in the ground. I told him that last year he said he had nothing while he drove a $40K truck, a $20K harley and all the other toys he ever wanted and that I really didn't miss his friend how would disrespect me and deliberately scare my 80 year old grandmother for no reason.

This week I brought the baby for 2 hours as it was father's day and he is going out of town this week and next weekend is my birthday. He didn't ask for me to help, didn't say anything to the supervisors about me and played with the baby until the last 15 min when the baby fell asleep with him. We left early and I didn't say anything to him. I told the supervisors that my ex would be out of town next week and it was my birthday so I would see them the following week. No questions no discussion, just a boundary. I feel really good about it and I hope to have some plans for next weekend. Last year, I went to see the first lawyer about my ex on my birthday as he grabbed my hair and pulled me onto our bed the day before.

I am almost done with "Why Does He Do That?" and it has really helped immensly. I know now why he acts the way he does and some of the comments from his clients could have come from me.

Well off to work,
-J

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:21am

Thank you for the kind words JB, that definitely means a lot to me and Blue and the other posters here.

5yrssm