Update on round 3, custody

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Registered: 11-12-2004
Update on round 3, custody
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 11:15pm

I have received this week the final divorce decree, stamped and signed. I guess it makes it official now. When I looked at it, I was pleased that it was done, but no significant emotions. Not relieved (guess that means divorce was never my main goal) and not depressed (guess that means that there wasn't much feeling for him toward the end, because of all the pain he caused). It made me wonder about the cause for all of this, but only for a moment.

I also received this week a notice giving me the name and address of the court appointed psychologist. It says she has 12 weeks to review the court records, make appointments, and write a conclusion. This is for the custody. I spoke with my lawyer about the custody possibilities and she explained that sole custody was not a problem for me as I was a good parent. He has shown every sign of not being a good parent and not being concerned what is best for my son. Visitation will be an issue though. My only problem with visitation is that he is quite threatening and there are reasons to have anxieties that he would do something bad. Ok, he has always given me anxieties. He would yell at me about how I always think the worst of him (when I suppose he thinks he has always been a really great guy). But then what AM I supposed to think of him? He threatens to take my son, but I should see it was only a joke? He threatens to kill himself countless times, but I should know it was just talk and not designed to frighten? He tells me I deserved to have the s*&t beaten out of me but I am supposed to take that as a sign of love? Not to mention the things he actually HAS done and that were not just simple threats. At what point does he consider it worthy of anxiety or fear?

On a different note, I had a fun week long training trip with 17 people at work. Those guys are so much fun and sometimes completely out of control (in a good way). I was telling someone about some of the particularly amusing events, when I realized something. In the past when I would go on these trips, I would always try to come up with a list of things that were boring, miserable, or just unacceptable about the trips. AHL always got so irritated when I would talk about how much fun I was having, that I tried to NOT have fun just to keep the peace. It was an automatic response after awhile. This time, I didn't have that pressure and I just had a simply good time. And I was quite happy to share my experience with others, and not feel guilty.