Update thanks for asking
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| Thu, 09-28-2006 - 2:43pm |
I've been okay I guess. I've just wanted to cry the last 2 days and I don't know why. It's like I can feel it in my throat, yet I'm scared to start and not be able to stop, so I keep going.
You guys will probably think I'm screwed up and crazy, however I also haven't posted because I feel, like i'm going behind my husband's back. I know what he did was horrible, and I will never be able to forget it. Yet when someone says something about him, it's like i want to protect him, and say he's not really bad. But I know it was, because I still have the sling, and pain in my heart. I guess it's just me who can't think straight. Why would I even want to protect him, yet subconsiously I do.
Thanks for asking I didn't want to post because maybe I'm the strange one who can't see straight. I guess I'm feeling embarrassed now. like I shouldn't have told all that has happened.
Well thanks for caring, because no one that knows me knows what is really happening, so having you ask meant alot to me. Now I feel like crying again, I feel like I'm needy, yet I have always had to manage everything on my own.

You are not needy at all. A lot of us have been in your shoes. I too was in your shoes four years ago and I was minimizing the abuse and didn't want to listen to what others were saying about my abuser. But yet, deep down I knew it was true. But the more I read and posted and educated myself, I started to see him for who he really was, a total abuser. No other word fitted him, because that is what he was.
Yes we care about you and yes, it's always ok to come and ask for help, there is no shame in it. This is a wonderful board and it saved my life four years ago when I first came here. The CL's at that time were Jeepster and Lizzy and I think Mindspeak as well. Here is where I learned, educated, and got the support that I needed. So please don't ever feel ashamed. The ladies here are wonderful and I still come here and post from time to time, because this board was my saving grace and so was the Domestic Abuse New Begninnng board when I finally got the courage up to leave my abusive ex.
You come here and post anytime ok? We are here and we care. ((((HUGS))))
Hi....
It's okay to cry.. cry as much as you want. I still cry about my abuser. I need to let my emotions out and crying is the best thing for me. I always stood up for my abuser. I hated it when my family or friends said bad things about him. I got so defensive. I know how you feel about thinking he isn't too bad. I feel that I can vent and complain about him as much as I want, but I don't want anyone else to say anything bad about him. It hurts me to know what bad things they thought about my Ex.
I didn't tell anyone what was happening with my Boyfriend (when we were still together). but you know what, people started suspecting things were wrong.. but I got very defensive about him again. I came to this board for support, information and advice. It really helped me discover what was wrong with my relationship. I did deny the abuse for a long time but when I finally opened my eyes, I knew I had to get out.
Just try and keep posting when you can. It does help to get your emotions out and onto paper and in writing. It is not good to bottle feelings up inside. Also, just take it day by day... only think about Today and when you start the day tomorrow.. only think about tomorrow.
Take Care. Lauren
You do understand, someone had posted some advise on on-line journaling, because I know my H goes through my things. However, I will have to go back through my posts and check out the link. I think I will start writing.
I could already tell, I think it helps, these last days that I did't post I could see my anger building up again.
Thanks for being here
Wishful, I'm glad you posted because I was think about you.
I have nothing to say but just knowinng someone is out here makes a difference.
I like the little purple ribbon with the dove. Where did you get it? If you can send me the file that would be great. I want to print, and put it on my desk.
Thanks again for thinking about me.
Hi. I sometimes write in a journal at home, but I also heard of online journalling. I have since signed up at www.livejournal.com I haven't posted yet, but I probably will later today or tonight. It is a lot easier to type then to write all the time.
Lauren
Hey there friend :-)
Hi Armyleo....
Just wondering how you are doing?? You haven't posted in awhile...
Lauren