upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
upset
5
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 2:03am
After watching fireworks at my moms and spending all day with the kids, I was tired. It was 1030, it was time to go with sleepy kids who were also whiny. DH didnt come till it was almost 530, while I was there since 1. He wanted to make a plate of food to go and I was tired and he was moving SLOW and dropped pies. I made one comment, this is taking all night. Okay not nice, but again I am tired. He throws the plate down and says lets go then. So we go without the plate of food. On the way home, which is like five minutes away from my moms he is speeding so fast that both me and his daughter is screaming for him to stop speeding and whipping around cars. I tell him he is going to kill us and he is laughing. Laughing and telling me how I deserve it for being a bitch to him. I am shaking I am that scared after him doing that. Thank god we didnt crash, thank god we only live five minutes away. Oh god. Why is this way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: visionseer
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 6:39am

He's acting out like that hun because you didn't let him have his way.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
In reply to: visionseer
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 11:12am

Irratic driving seems to be a very common trait amongst the species. I suppose it is a way to frighten the adversary and re-establish his position as the alpha male. It usually follows the tossing of feces (or better known as venom vomit on this board). Mine did that too, and used the car as a 'weapon' to threaten myself and other drivers (as I explained in the court). There was usually the typical squealing of the tires, slamming of brakes, cutting people off within an inch or so of the edge of their car, driving around 105 to 110 mph, tailing people so close as to not be able to see their license plate........ Even driving over curbs..... Sometimes he would drive that way for reasons I could never even fathom. It wouldn't be because of me, but because of something that happened to him that day. I would be clutching the seat tightly and try to quietly ask why he seems so...upset.... only to have him drive faster and more irratic. Eventually he would scream at me and say something like 'You know why I am mad! Because my life is over and you know it!' Don't try to wonder about that because it is completely unrelated to any reality.

I imagine that when normal people get frustrated when you ask them to, lets say, hurry up...they simply say 'hey! I am trying, be patient!' and drop it there. It doesn't continue on the road and become a social crisis for the entire rush hour traffic to deal with.

In short, I think you are completely justified in being upset and that his behavior was uncalled for. Nothing you could have said to him could or should cause that kind of irresponsible and dangerous behavior. It is never acceptable to let anger or frustration out by intimidating, threatening, or hurting others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
In reply to: visionseer
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 10:37am
My husband uses the car and his driving to threaten me too. I think of it as punishment for daring to speak up to him, to complain about something he does. How dare I have the audacity to be impatient with him. Now that I have been warned/threatened/punished the next time I will know better than to speak to him in that tone of voice. Meanwhile he can be as nasty as he wants to me as often as he wants and I don't dare complain. They are all the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
In reply to: visionseer
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 6:58am

That stuff is awful. I remember going through that as a kid with my insane father. The thing I thought as a child was why does my mom allow it?

My thought now is I would drive separate cars from now on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: visionseer
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:41am

Hi there vision,

Just reading your posts and sounds like you are with a typical abuser. You said you have family in town? Well, that is probably why he is being extra jerkish right now. He is not the center of attention. When that happens, they tend to throw more tantrums to get the focus back on them.

First of all, his actions have NOTHING to do with what you are about. It's his job to keep you off guard so you continually spend your time worrying about what he wants. Think about it, wouldn't put the bike together because you didn't feed him. It's a gift for his son for goodness sake and chances are it is from the both of you.

I spent years, defending myself, covering up for old Wendell. If we were in a car together, even the radio station what was he wanted. It's all about what they want. Missed birthdays, Mother's days....they are your days and he is too into himself to realize that he should be grateful and considerate to the one he proclaimed he loved. I'll never forget when I brought my baby daughter home from the hospital. It was 2 days before mother's day. First, I had to find my own ride because he wouldn't take off work, then he locked the house up so I couldn't get in. The next day, I had to get up and get ready for his 7 year old son from a previous marriage that was flying in for two weeks. I mentioned about Mother's Day and he just said, Oh, come on, you hardly qualify for a mother yet. That was 24 years ago. This is what they do.

You will never quite understand their thought process and actions. I haven't to this day. They are insecure people that use power, control and entitlement to make them happy.
There is no room in their life for anyone elses happiness.

Start reading resource material to learn what you are dealing with. Stick your tongue out at that idiot for me!

Hang in there

Terry