Vent about ex.......
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| Thu, 01-19-2006 - 4:47pm |
Hi, I'd written here before regarding my abusive marriage. Thank G-D, I have been separated for about three months now. I am much happier and freer now that he is out of the home.
I am currently raising my two daughters, 11 and 5. I finished school recently. The thing is was that I was thinking that I wish I could get out of this relationship once and for all. He picks them up everyday for school at the moment, and any contact with him does not make me feel good. He is still extremely passive-agressive. People who have not been in this type of relationship just cannot understand how even nuances and the way he says some things affect me. I try not to even hear the sound of his voice. The thing that sucks is: I never feel that I will be whole again. He will always affect me. If I could run away with my girls, I would. I feel like I can never shake this man. He will forever be a shadow that follows me. I have given up on trying to legally extricate him from our lives. I was in a women's shelter for a week, till he agreed to leave our home. They basically told me that it was nearly impossible. Meaning that passive agressive emotional manipulation just does not cut it in the court system in having me and my daughter's cut all ties with him. I did not even try to contact a lawyer regarding this, because I basically got the same answer all around.
I just feel that the quality of my life will never be the same. He has affected me and my well-being and I feel like there is no justice in the world, because if only it came to light, then I would be granted a way to distance myself from him and protect my girls. Everyone thinks he is a great father, but the truth is, he does a lot of things that can be damaging to my girls. I want to protect them from him and his manipulation, but like I said everyone at the shelter said that emotional abuse just doesn't cut it. I might be moving to a different state in about a year with my girls. He has pretty much agreed to it (for now). This will make things infinitely easier on me. But how do you deal with a person who for you constitutes a slow torture every time you see him? I feel no love for him at all, just dread. I wish I had the answers to that. If anyone can add anything, it would be much appreciated.
Every time I am around him, it affects my self-esteem. I constantly question myself and what he said. Will I have to live the rest of my life with his passive-aggressive behavior? I know that once I have a car and will have him pick up the girls on designated days from their school and then drop them off the next day at school as well, contact between us will be much more limited. But I still have problems with the way he sometimes talks and interacts with the girls. What I really want is for him to change the way he talks to me. I want him to appreciate me and validate me. I still want that from him. Can you get a passive-agressive individual to truly appreciate who you are?
By the way, none of the legal proceeding have been started yet, we just have a verbal agreement regarding him and the girls.
Edited 1/19/2006 4:52 pm ET by smoothride

Passive-aggressives are never going to see anyone or anything is as important as what they are thinking, doing or saying.
CL-Blueliner4
This is a rough spot, hon.