venting/need advice
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| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 8:57pm |
So he stayed for the holidays. I was hoping for some peace and maybe some family time but things didn't go as planned. He was good at first and was telling me that everything was going to be great (well not in those words)right now I told him to leave again and he wont go. he's just arguing calling me crule. how could I do this to him. I don't know what to do anymore.
He's just leaving and told me that I will pay for this. Which makes me feel really bad but at the same time I know I didn't do anything wrong. I know that's his trick to make me feel like some how it's my fault. I have a RO on him and I let it go for the holidays but now I know he hasn't changed. I never wanted to do it in the first place (let him stay) but he insisted. Oh he also insisted in me dropping the RO which I went to the class and then afterwards decided I didn't want to drop them. He got really mad. that's when he told me I was crule and that I would pay for this. I don't love him anymore I don;t have feelings, loving feelings for him,. He's hurt me soo much I get stomach aches when I see him. I mean I can't even work when he's around. I don't know what to do.
Moniluhu

1) HAVE NO CONTACT
2) REPORT EVEN THE SMALLEST, SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT VIOLATION IMMEDIATELY.
CL-Blueliner4
ITA with Blue.
What Blue said: no more contact, and report even the teeniest, tiniest, fiddliest violations of the RO. The cops have been through this before, and will understand when you tell them that he suckered you into thinking he had changed and you found out he hadn't. And yes indeed, "you will pay for this" is a threat!
The reason that having no, nada, zip, zero contact is so important is that they use the contact to do just what he did, make you think he's changed and wheedle their way back in. This is an ongoing problem we have with SIL (though, thankfully, she's standing firm on him moving in) because she has a child with idiot. Now, there are workable options for sharing custody and no contact, but she's not at a place where she feels ready to explore those. If I've read your posts right, you have no children with this guy, so there's nothing stopping you from no-contact. It will be hard at first, but so worth it!
I'm listening but somehow it's not registering. He tells me "Why don't you leave?" "Your the one who want's the divorce?" and he even says "Why don't you go out on the streets for a while and see what it's like." He knows how to make me feel guilty. I don't know what to say to him anymore for him to leave me alone. I guess it's out of my hands and all I need to do is call the police. But I need some guidance, something to keep me going. I will call for support. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. Even my psychiatrist says that maybe I should drop everything and work everything out. I'm kinda mad about that. Wait till I show him the letter I wrote to the judge about his abuse then he would not think like this. Yes, my psychiatrist thinks that these woman clinics or support groups are men haters. He didn't tell me that but my H mentioned this to me.
I guess what I'm really afraid of is being financially secure. We have a house and 2 acres of land and I'm afraid of loosing it all. Or not just that of not being able to support my 2 boys.
When he left last night he said that he should of told me he was kicking me out he wouldnt of bought all the food for us. Then he went in the fridge and started taking it. Then I guess he got mad and through what he took out back in the freezer. He left, came back and said "where's the 20 dollars I gave you?" I told him and he took it. He said " I'm not trying to be a d@#$ but I need this money to eat since I'm out on the street!"
I'm so confused and I need as much support as I could get for me. I am not working due to stress. I as working with woman's crisis and victims of violent crimes and I want this to work I want my life back I want to be happy again.
thanks for reading.
He knows how to make me feel guilty.
This is the conditioning.
CL-Blueliner4