Verbal abuse........

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Verbal abuse........
2
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 2:55pm

My bf and I have lived together 14 years..... he has always been mentally abusive and it is getting worse. My ex-husband was physically abusive and my bf is starting to show some of the traits... I feel like I am having flashbacks... I know that must sound crazy...

We broke up at halloween and I moved out.... then he came to me at thanksgiving (he is helping me with rent, and he rubbed that in, so I had to let him move in) then a couple days before christmas we got in a BIG fight-- he grabbed me and shook me pretty violently and threatened suicide, he moved out again.... was just gone overnight, and then back again!!! All apologetic, said he would get on anti-depressants and go to church with me... both promises already broken....

He is always telling me I am stupid, worthless, will never amount to anything, criticizes my cooking, cleaning (even though the apt is usually spotless)........ he cuts down all my hopes and dreams and has made me miserable... He even told me my mom's christmas dinner tasted like sh** )o:

I have no where to run to.... My son is 18 now and is in college.... he lives with us. I sat him down yesterday and told him that I was verbally abused and that he should never treat a woman the way I was treated and that I was sorry for all he has seen or heard over the years.

I am going to a counselor in January

I went to the bookstore yesterday and bought a book on verbal abuse.......

I am so tired and so sad and feel so helpless..... I need to make it 4 more months (that's all that is left on the lease) and find a job during that time.... I will never sign another lease with that man.....

Thanks for listening and keep me in your prayers for finding a job....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2000
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 6:50pm

Gypsy

I feel like you're me. I have been with my bf for close to 12 years and he refuses to take medication for his depression and is verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I let him move-in 2 years ago. I am filing an order of protection tomorrow, have an appointment at 12:15PM. I aksed him to leave but he won't and tells me I need to evict him. Actually, I am scared that he may retaliate because I am taking these steps but I don't see any other choice.

He tells me that I can't do anything right, calls me names, blackmails me to get his way, tells me I need to change, lose weight, obey him, etc. He punishes me and when I still wanted this relationship he regularly threatened to leave me to control me. He insisted that I adhere to a schedule of leaving and returning to the house, and I allowed this for a year (I pay all the bills and bought my own house) He blamed me for everything and I accepted it. He manipulated me into giving him money every month - he doesn't work.

When he is angry - raging he keeps me up with loud music, destroys my property, turns off the electricity, throws my things away in the trash and has even thrown my clothes into the alley. He has told me that I am no match for his meaness and that I can't take it to his level of retaliation. It's a scary.

My self-esteem caused me to doubt myself and my sense of right and wrong. I was totally out of touch with the reality of the situation. I am so ashamed of letting myself get into this insanity, but I can't change the past.

However, it didn't start out this way - who would accept this abuse from day one? It's some form of conditioning that happens over time.

I had to come clean with my family and friends stop lying and making excuses about him, I needed their support to make the call and take action. I also scheduled a counseling session to help me - I don't want to be involved in another abusive relationship and I want to be happy.

Your words helped me stay strong and further accept my situation for what it truly is abusive. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 9:46pm

Hi gypsyoflove…you’re on a good path, with the counseling and with educating yourself, and with finding yourself a job.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou