Verbal Abuse?
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| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 10:37am |
Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for only about a month and a half now. He used to give me compliments and was really sweet. Now he says things like "you're boring, your not cool, your no fun, I need to find a replacement" etc... he said they're just jokes but he says them every day. I told him to stop putting me down and he just makes comments about me not being able to take a joke.
I'm a very shy person and recently went to a psychiatrist. I was told I have anxiety disorders...so now that I'm going to therapy...he keeps telling me "when you get better" we can do this, or that like I have some kind of disease. Is this something that will change if I confront him enough or should I just get out while I still can and find someone who'll accept me for who I am?

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Just do what you feel is right. If you want to go over and act fine and watch tv, just do that. If you end up being scared and don't want to say anything when you get home... then don't say anything. You will know when to say it is over to him. Just go with your gut feeling.... it is there for a reason.
Lauren
Wow that was right on the ball. I confronted him online after I got home about him wanting my friend to come to his house tonight. Some of his words were:
"This is all you....and apparently this therapy is not working. This is exactly what I get. Look, I dont know what point you were tryin to make, but its not a good look for you. This is why I had been single for so long. Cant trust women. In fact, I had a dream about this, the night of my fast. Just like I had a dream about my son's mother cheating on me. Why do you think I was so eager to send her my addy and phone number?"
Yeah...it's all me...NOT! I feel much better now :-)
Good for you for getting out of this! If he tries to call or have contact, I strongly recommend ignoring any attempt. Abusers are very manipulative! The longer it goes on the worse it gets. Let us know how things are going!
Take care,
Carrie
Why do they do this???? Last night he text messaged me saying that he misses me and still loves me (yeah right, I don't think he ever did). Then today he sends me an email saying he wants to sit down and have a face to face.
But...I was the one who's stressing him out, and causing his migraines, and need to continue therapy so I don't keep "accusing" him of things, etc... lol wow
I didn't respond to him by the way.
Please don't have any contact with him. You did the right thing. I have no clue why they do this. Don't be surprised if he tries to give you gifts. The holidays are always hard, but stick it out, with family and friends who don't criticize your anxiety. My H tried to use that on me too. Guess what? My anxiety is less now that I know this will be over, than it was while I was trying to work it out.
If he keeps trying to have contact, don't respond, just watch. The texts will be nice now, he'll get angry or sarcastic soon, send you texts that are condescending or mean. Better yet, block him from your #. This behvior can destroy a person, trust me!
What are your holiday plans?
Carrie
He is saying all those things to *TRY* and get you back. He is telling you things that he knows you want to hear. That is all it is about.. that is all. He is trying to get you back under his power and control..... that is all abusers want - is POWER AND CONTROL!
Soon enough you will start to see thru all his nonsense and empty promises.. It will just take time.. but you are doing great!! You did great by not responding to him :)
Lauren
Hi Maegan_rachel :o) Welcome to the board
I am sorry to hear that you are going thru all of this too. I know it all too well. The you are crazy.. they never take responsibility, it is always our fault. Which it really isn't, they just don't take the blame for anything!! I don't believe for a minute that you are crazy... all abusers seem to call their SO's the crazy one... I know how you feel, and it is horrible.
Just wanted to welcome you to the board. Post as much as you like to okay.. we are all here for you.
Lauren
He just tried to instant message me to see if I got his email....I blocked him. He told me before that he couldn't even be friends with me after we broke up because since I posted an article on Verbal Abuse on my blog....I was accusing him of being verbally abusive and he has NEVER abused anyone...he's a "good man". Blah!
It can almost make you feel crazy can't it? I was such a quiet person around big groups of people. I was on zoloft after my son was born, when I was upset he'd tell me to take my pill, or ask if I forgot to take it. Wish he'd have gone on them, Mr mood swing!
I hope we keep hearing from you! How long have you been reading here?
Carrie
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